This has been on my mind a lot the last few days. What? Yes I am saying sex has been on my mind – a lot lately, but more so has been the issue that people don’t, won’t and can’t seem to talk about it.
My bloggy friend Merbear, you can visit her over at Knocked over by a Feather, has written many little quips about sex and other related ‘no-no’s’ under the category of ‘Taboo Topics’ and apparently she received some flack for her latest taboo, oral sex. I think it’s crazy. She is
always most usually tactful and puts a fun humorous spin on it to relieve the heavy of speaking about naughty bits and the things people do with them .
Personally I think that if we were to be honest, perfectly honest, and if we were to share the thoughts that swirl around in our heads, most of us would shock those around us. How can people get in a tither over some-one mentioning things that they have most likely done plenty of times before, or even worse – fantasized about.
It seems that people (primarily North American, White Anglo Saxon/European descendants, who are of course generally the Christian middle class) have a bee in their bonnet when it comes to being honest about sex. Most of these same prudish individuals do partake in actual sexual behaviour. They must – they are married with children.
I look at other cultures where expressing yourself sexually is normal and acceptable, and wonder what’s wrong with us. India has the Kama Sutra – basically considered the ‘bible’ of sexual expression and position. Or Japan which has sex museums and the Kanamara Matsuri: The Penis Festival (literally Festival of the Steel Phallus) with penis shaped carvings, popsicles, key chains, pipes, candles, you name it, all for sale during the festival; they even have parades in honour of the manly phallus.
So why are we so uptight? Maybe we could should all go back to sleeping in separate beds fully clothed and meet each Wednesday evening for a quick romp, unless of course we have a headache, just to keep the marriage valid. I kid, yet in all honesty I have a hard time with expressing myself sexually and I don’t get why. I never used to. Now I make the entire room feel awkward if a make-out scene happens in a PG13 rated movie. What happened to the free spirit I once was? That seems so long ago now it feels like her life is built on some-one else’s memories.
OK I am going to get personal here; something I have a hard time with. Most of my readers know as I have previously shared about my trust issues that I do not like to share the deep intimate stuff, so I am going out on a limb and taking a chance. I have a gentleman friend that I have known for a long time. He and I connect ever now and then but mostly we text, and occasionally sext. He is one of the most forward and up front people I have ever met. If he’s thinking it he tells me. He makes me blush – often. I on the other hand am just a wee bit more reserved and pensive when it comes to sharing my dirty little secrets and private thoughts (you can read the word private in more than one context there). Anyways I am learning to take it in stride and actually find it kind of refreshing. There are no games, no guessing just honesty – frank, up front, honesty. (I must admit there have been a few moments where I nearly sprayed coffee out my nose as I have read a message coming in, but…)
But truthfully A part of me wants the freedom to be able to express myself like that. To know that it is safe to just say whatever I am feeling, thinking, wanting etc. And yet a part of me is, well, mortified at the mere thought. It’s those nasty trust issues again. It’s the fear that my honesty will later be used against me, used to shame and manipulate me. Or maybe that a thought will now be forced – “well you did think it, say it, express it, or imply it” or even harder – “you tried it once so…”. I know I can trust this person, yet a part of me is so protective, so secretive and guarded; it is just so hard to let go.
So you know, let’s talk about sex… or, uummmm, maybe not….