myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Time keeps on slipping…

Hello people, I hope no-one has been worried, I am still alive and breathing. I won’t lie and say I have been too busy, I have just been in my own headspace. It’s a weird place, often it’s rather chaotic and a bit fuzzy around the edges. I can’t believe where the time is gone. It just keeps slipping by. I’m not doing anything amazing, I have not yet found a job, and yes I have been looking, but I feel rather unmotivated to be completely honest. I have considered other options as well such as going back to school – you know one is never too old to learn new things. But I’m not sure. It seems I am in this weird place where I am either under or over experienced/educated depending on the job. It’s a strange place to be. Anyways I’m not worried about it, things will work out in the end, they always do. I’m resilient and I always bounce back, sometimes it just takes time.

“So how do unemployed people spend their days?” you may be asking yourself… it looks something like this, going to bed at midnight or later ever evening, and getting up around 9 most mornings (I am not exactly a night owl but I am not a morning person either). Colouring – I bought the “Secret Garden” colouring book for adults, organizing all the music on my phone so that it is all labeled correctly and filed under an appropriate genre etc., avoiding house cleaning until I jump up and go nuts as the mess is making me mental. living in my pajamas unless I have to go out. And for a bit I was going for walks every other day, but it has been too freaking hot so that died. Did I mention we have had a major heat wave and it’s only this past week that it has cooled down some – we were averaging 34 – 39 C everyday (now we are still in high 20’s).

On a huge plus since I have been unemployed I no longer am living off of antihistamines or my inhaler, in fact I have barely taken my inhaler at all. I wonder how much of it was stress and perhaps an allergy to bullshit??? And I’m eating better, and sleeping better, and I am all around happier.

So, apparently I have been here on WordPress for 3 years now!!!! Woohoo!!! :) I believe I need to set myself a writing schedule while I’m not working and hopefully I will maintain it once I am again. We’ll see how that goes (Cue sarcastic and mocking laugh track here).

And just for fun here’s a blast from the past in honour of my title:


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A doozy of a week…

I have been absent for the past week. I haven’t actually been absent as I’ve been reading, liking and commenting but I have not posted. I had planned on it but last week was a bit of a doozy. My daughter, 17, applied to attend the local college. She doesn’t know what she wants to do “when she grows up” and so she has decided to take hairdressing now as she will always be able to use those skills and it’s a great way to pay her way through university when and if she decides that is the route she wants to go. Anyways we paid her registration fees on Thursday the 9th. I got laid off on Friday the 10th.

ngbbs544433ee732c6It had been a usual day, my co-worker D (who only works part time) had left for the day and as my other coworker M had taken a holiday day I was the only one in the office besides the boss. About 15 – 20 minutes after D was gone he walked up to my desk and bluntly informed me that I was being laid off due to a shortage of work. I’ve been there 4 years coming up on 5 this September. Things were slow, but no slower than they had been in the past. Truth be known there had been tension between the 2 of us from day one (he was hired 2 months after I started with the company). To put it bluntly he rubbed me the wrong way… but I was always amicable. Regardless it was well known by me, M and D that he did not overly like me… needless to say I was “shocked, and  yet not surprised”, which I told him.

TP

Sometimes life is like a bathroom without any toilet paper…

Marcus over at It’s my Blog, Innit! nailed the routine work experience in his post ‘Embrace the Authentic You‘. The post is about work politics and how we often are not free to truly be ourselves in our work environment. I have lived that for the past 4 years and it was a very slow form of torture as my life, my energy and enthusiasm were slowly sucked away. At any rate I have been doing OK, and as weird as it may be I in many ways feel relieved. However I now have to get serious about finding another job.

A few days ago Becoming Minimalist shared a post on Facebook ‘12 Factors to Look for in a Job Other Than a Paycheck‘. The timing was absolutely perfect and it has been very inspiring for me. It has helped me put things in perspective so that I do not take any job just for the sake of having a job, and end up in another soul sucking conundrum.

41C8BE9TH2L._SS500_I have applied for E.I. (Employment Insurance) so that I won’t be left with no money, but it will be fraction of what I had before which was already just barely enough to live on, and the process can take weeks before you actually see any money. So I must admit that yes a part of me has been on the verge of panic mode. At least I got severance pay. It wasn’t much but if I’m careful…

I had made plans to take holidays the last week of July, I was going to go visit a friend for a few days – have some child free girl time (the same friend I went to OneRepublic with back in May). I was going to take 15 shopping for new clothes and go to Squamish for a day, and was thinking if I had enough money maybe I’d take the girls to Kamloops for a weekend and they could meet some of my family. All of those plans have vanished like mist. I need to watch every penny.

At the moment much reassessment is going on in my little world. So I apologize in advance if I’m not around too much in the next few weeks. But I will try to post and will definitely be reading, liking and commenting…


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The Love-Hate Challenge…

Wanda from A Girl named Wanda has nominated me to participate in the Love-Hate Challenge. In this challenge, I have to list 10 things I love and 10 things I hate, then I’m supposed to nominate other bloggers for the challenge, but seeing as I’m off to a late start it seems most of those that I would have nominated have already taken part. So instead I will leave an open invitation for anyone that hasn’t participated yet and wants to, to go ahead and tell us what you love and hate :)

My Love list: or things that leave me all a flutter:

1) Music… music can literally alter my moods, change the way my day is going, lift me up or leave me sobbing. I cannot imagine a world without music, it is capable of stripping you down and leaving your soul naked and bare. I love it!

2) Creative expression… this of course does include music, but really any art form falls under this heading, writing, drawing, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, cooking/baking, painting, rearranging furniture, photography, you name it if it is a creative outlet I love it and am willing to give it try.

3) Nature… I do not come across as an outdoorsy girl and I don’t spend near enough time outside. But I truly love communing with nature. Walking through a meadow or wandering in the forest, climbing rocks and walking logs on the beach, staring at the moon and stars,seeing a sunset or a sunrise (if I can haul my butt out of bed early enough) there’s something magical about these experiences.

4) Sleeping… I love curling up in a comfy bed and just releasing the day as I drift off to sleep.

5) Food… Food can be such an amazing source of comfort, and pleasure. There is something to be said about a good meal that leaves you not too full but rather perfectly satisfied. I like all kinds of food from all kinds of ethnicities.

6) Spending quality time with the ones I love… Be it friend or family there is nothing like being with those you love, what more is there to say about that?

7) Alone time… I have been a mom for more of my life than I have not been, and there is something about that experience that has taught me to really appreciate alone time. Alone time when kids are little is far and few and in between – I mean seriously at that stage you can’t even pee alone without someone crying outside the door with their little fingers pushed under the door wiggling at you. Now that they are older, half the nest has already flown to start their own lives, I am glad that I am learning to take alone time. I am realizing that one day I will be alone and I have to know how to be comfortable with myself, with being my own company.

8) Flowers… I love flowers. I think that a nicely arranged bouquet of flowers just adds something to a room. I don’t care if it’s wild flowers that have been hand picked or a simple bouquet of carnations from the local grocery store they add a lovely pop of color, and hint of perfume to a room. This was a sore spot in my marriage, I wanted flowers, and he just didn’t get it. Now I have learned to buy myself a bouquet every once in a while.

9) A good book… Reading a good book is like living another life for a short time. You get to explore new worlds, make new friends and borrow someone else’s eyes.

10) Love… I am in love with notion of love. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” I believe in all the fairytales, love at first sight, soulmates, love conquers all, all you need is love… I love love.

My Hate list: or things that make my skin crawl and my guts churn:

1) Creepy crawlers… I do not like spiders, millipede type critters, earwigs, creepy crawlers freak me right out. That scene in King Kong when Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) is hiding in the rotting log and all the bugs come out and start crawling on her… JUST NO!!!!

2) Puking… I do not deal well with vomit. I doesn’t matter who is sick, myself or others, I hate it. I can’t see it, smell it, or hear it or my gag reflex starts. My poor dear children learned young, Mom will get you a cold cloth for your head, she’ll wipe your tears and get you to the toilet then she’ll stand in the hall till you’re done. (I suddenly feel really guilty about this…)

3) Guilt… I hate guilt. I’m not talking about legitimate feelings of guilt for having actually done something wrong. I’m talking about the type of guilt that comes from manipulation, or from feelings of duty. You know the would’a, should’a, could’a type of guilt. It sucks and is not in anyway productive or helpful.

4) Bad movies and literature… I feel ripped off when I have invested my time and energy into something that is just plain old bad. Movies with no real plot or flat characters, books that are overly predictable or poorly written, it is just a waste.

5) Negative judgmental people… OK I don’t actually hate the people but I do hate being surrounded with negativity and mountains of judgement. One of the evils of this is it rubs off on you. If I spend my time with someone who is constantly making negative, judgy comments eventually I catch myself being negative and judgy. And being like that just feels gross.

6) Fast food and being out of shape… These two go hand in hand. They are nasty habits that are extremely easy to fall into, and they can quickly become an addictive lifestyle which makes them difficult to break.

7) Not sleeping… Crawling into my comfy bed and then tossing and turning all nite long sucks!

8) Drama… I hate dealing with drama. Somedays it feels like I am surrounded by a bunch of drama queens. If I could just ignore it all and walk away I would but sadly their drama effects me and my life as this is family.

9) Obligation… I despise doing things because I ‘have’ to, because it’s my so-called obligation, duty, job, responsibilty… I don’t care what you call it . I feel like I’m slowly being choked to death, gasping for air. It leads to resentment which is a terrible feeling.

10) Hate… I despise the notion of hate. Hate detroys people, cultures, countries. It causes so much pain and creates cycles that are so hard to break. I can’t fathom how anyone can truly hate someone. It is a very low thing to take all your fear and project it onto another person, a group of people or an entire ethnicity. I just don’t understand it at all. I hate hate.

And there you have it folks… 10 things I love and 10 things I hate. Again feel free to participate if you haven’t received an official nomination.Be sure to link or ping back to me so I can read your lists :)

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