myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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The Bucket List follow up…

Ok I am following up on my Bucket List post, I am not sure that this is really a complete list. Probably not even close. I am still figuring things out and think it may even change a few times between here and “the Bucket”. But here it goes… in no particular order – My Bucket List:

  • Follow my heart and my dreams: STOP pleasing others and be true to me
  • Help others regularly – the small things DO matter
  • Take some web design classes
  • Go to concerts!!! lots of them, all genres, just go and take the experiences in! See a real live opera
  • Start a collection: I’m not sure of what just yet, but I want it to represent places and experiences in my life. Maybe photos? IDK…
  • Take my girls on a real outdoors camping trip
  • Learn to use power tools without fear (OK maybe a small amount of respectful fear)
  • Restore a VW van – olive green and cream with shiny chrome, a light tan interior, and real wood accents.
  • Write and publish a book – it can be a novel, a book of short stories, poetry, or maybe a book of thoughts and musings…
  • Read the writings of Hugh Prather
  • Either finish or throw out my half done projects. (this is a big one it involves moving on and letting go)
  • Keep a complete journal for a full year (one that I write in at least a few days every week for the year – no three month plus gaps allowed)
  • Start a Blog! and maintain it… 🙂
  • Learn a new language – Turkish, I want to learn conversational Turkish to know why see next point
  • Teach English abroad – Go to Turkey for a summer to teach conversational English – I am thinking of going through TeachOverseas.org
  • Start using my camera, then maybe buy a better camera
  • Colour all 7 of the new full sized Doodle Art posters (if you were raised in the 70’s/80’s you should remember these posters)
  • Complete enough art for an art show
  • Hold an art show
  • Go horseback riding
  • Feel comfortable with myself naked
  • Spend 2 weeks alone (for real alone – I mean no kids, no family, just me and my thoughts – hhhmmm it just got scary)
  • Figure out what it is I love and start doing it for a living
  • Learn to really play an instrument guitar and/or piano, keep singing
  • Be in a band and record something – it doesn’t even have to be great, I just want to have a CD (I’d prefer if it was great)
  • Live in a foreign place for at least a year
  • Fall in love, have a real wedding and a Honeymoon
  • TRAVEL:  This list is a work in progress I really want to go just about everywhere and so….

Forks, Washington – for my girls
Disneyland California – with the kids
Scotland – a lochness finding expedition
Greece, Italy, the Mediterranean, Middle East, and Northern Africa
Maui – this has a story to it (I may share one day)
The Grand Canyon
Stonehenge

Abandoned places: Seattle’s underground city, NY subways, Petra, Inner city Detroit, Centralia Pennsylvania, etc. so many amazing places sitting empty and desolate…


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Running away… or running to?

Istanbul, Turkey (photo credit: Turkey Welcomes You Facebook page)

Sometimes I want to runaway. I think that sounds horribly immature and perhaps a bit selfish, but some days it’s really how I feel. I just want to runaway…

Some days I feel the urge to run so bad, I just want to put on my shoes and literally run (if you knew me you’d understand how bizarre that is – I DO NOT run, walk yes, run no!). Or I could hop in my car and just drive, drive till I run out of road (well… that could work, except that I am currently vehicle-less). Really I just want to soar and see where the wind takes me. It is an overwhelming feeling in my chest, a need, and some days I feel like I just might burst.

I feel the need to clarify that it’s not because my life sucks. It’s not anything personal regarding the people in my life. Actually my life is pretty good, and I have people around me that I love so very much, and who love me in return. I have a decent job that nearly pays the bills and provides me and my kids with medical and dental benefits. Perhaps some days I am not necessarily happy, but I am certainly not miserable. I just want… more, I am not necessarily sure what I want more of, I just feel that I am destined for something other than this… for something a bit more significant… something more.

I just know that there’s this big old world out there, and I feel it calling to me, taunting me, seducing me. I want to see it, experience what life has to offer. I want to take a big bite out of it, like a juicy ripe nectarine. You know when you take that first bite, you feel your teeth rupture the skin and the sweetness of the fruit explodes in your mouth, and the juices drip off your chin and run down your arm. Well I want life to be like that. I think we should experience little moments of ecstasy every day. I want to see places I have only dreamed about. I want to feel foreign winds upon my skin. I want to feel new languages form on my tongue. I want to smell the scents of distant lands, the spices of the street markets, and wet soil and dust. To see the sites, take in the colors, hear the sounds, dance to the music.

I have these ridiculous romantic notions in my head, perhaps I have watched one too many movies, or read one too many books, or one too many blogs. But I truly feel that this burning need within can only be relieved through leaving everything I know, my comfort, my securities behind and leaping into the unknown.

I have started over a few times in my life and I know how scary, yet exhilarating a fresh start can be. It’s hard work, yet it’s so rewarding. There is something to be said about closing our eyes and stepping off the cliff into the unknown.

Just maybe it isn’t running away after all… maybe it’s running to? Maybe…