myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Insecurity motivates stupidity…

teardropI have recently learned the lesson that texting is a poor method of communication and that one must think before hitting send. (One being me). That we can carelessly type something and send it without understanding, contemplating, knowing… how it may be taken. (We being me). I have realized that even though something may seem funny or clever as it is typed, how it will be perceived is another matter all together. There is no body language, voice inflection, or twinkle in the eye to indicate what was actually meant vs what the words may, or may not, actually say. Which basically translates as: I said something off hand in an attempt to hide emotions I was feeling and in turn hurt and emotionally wounded someone I deeply care about.

I’m sorry isn’t enough, but it’s all I have


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Bad boys, bad boys… what ‘cha gonna do?

Hhhhmmmm Love, funny thing love is isn’t it?

OK this post is actually about attraction but for most of us that is where love begins, right? The other nite my youngest daughter asked me an interesting question about attraction and after much thought I have come to a few perplexing, frustrating and very eye-opening conclusions… “So what did she ask you?” I hear you wondering… quite simple… we were discussing crushes, who is cute, who is funny, this sort of stuff (this is very normal thing to be discussing at random with a teenaged daughter – just saying for those who are not aware of this fact). Anyways near the end of our discussion she asked me:

“What fictional character (book/movie/TV) are you attracted to or could you fall for – I’m not talking about looks but about who they are?”

So as I mentioned in my last post I have begun watching Sherlock… I am actually quite enthralled with the program… but that isn’t what this post is about… See I do not think Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) is a good looking guy… It’s just me personally but I actually find him odd looking, he has a long face with angular features, a pronounced mouth, larger nose, thick brows, appears some what lanky… but in his favour he has a pleasant voice and amazing blue-green eyes – I have even noticed that from some angles they are different colours with one appearing more blue while the other is more green… Anyways my point is I am not physically attracted to him… but by the time I reached the end of the 4th episode (season 2, ep 1) I had found myself intrigued by his character… I am enamoured with ‘Sherlock’… This is disturbing… actually this is very disturbing…

Who is Sherlock? He is a self professed high functioning sociopath, he is extremely intelligent, he is arrogant, emotionally void (shut off and unavailable), obstinate, and to put it bluntly an asshole… He is also extremely vulnerable, and a massive challenge… hence the intrigue…

The original bad boy, James Dean...

The original bad boy, James Dean…

When I noticed this I started analyzing and trying to figure out other fictional characters that intrigued me based on character alone and not looks… Thor,  Ironman/Tony Stark, Captain Jack Sparrow (OK I think the first three are very attractive but…), Wolverine, James T Kirk, even the Mariner in Water World… The Mariner is a good one to look at (I do not find Kevin Costner attractive – but I like a lot of the roles he has played) So who is his character in that movie? Another emotionally detached, yet vulnerable ‘bad ass’ – The strong silent type, but not in the stereo typical hot, all muscle, no brain sense of it… the scene that did me in was when he finally connects with the female lead and she asks why when she offered herself to him earlier he said no and he very innocently and vulnerably replied “You didn’t want me, not really” BAM! my heart is in your hands… and this pattern echoes over and over again in both the imagined and the real world…

First thought that comes to mind… SHIT!
Second thought… good thing I am single, I have definitely got some stuff to work out!

Now I am well aware of the fact that I have suffered from bad boy syndrome for pretty much my whole life… I see this habit as far back as elementary school (grade school for those non-Canadians out there) I have always gone for the bad boy – the oh so very ‘misunderstood’, has so much ‘potential’, I can fix him with love and show him who he can really be bad boy… (Probably why I love musicians/artists so much…) Basically I am self destructive, I tend to be some what stupid in the heart department, and I set myself up for disaster.

I used to have this thing I would say whenever a break up was pending that coined it all too well…

“when I catch myself saying ‘He’s a nice guy but…’ it’s time to get rid of him”

REALLY!?!?!? Who is this stupid girl? Who would say such a thing? What is wrong with nice guys? Nice guys do not finish last, nice guys like nice girls and treat them… well… NICELY! Holy shit what a revelation! I don’t know about you but being treated nicely is rather desirable… whether that is in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even by family members and co-workers… So why would any one intentionally date a person who treats them like crap? I have no idea. But some of us find ourselves habitually in these relationships… some of us never grow up…

Do I really think I am stupid? NO… Do I think I have some issue that need to be figured out… Absolutely! I am figuring that just maybe 4 years of being single has helped me to see a wee bit clearer and to figure a few things out about myself, what I want, and what direction I want to go in. I am finally accepting what I don’t want, that’s for sure.

They say seek and you shall find. I obviously need to take a good look at what I have been seeking, and try to figure out why I was seeking that. I’ve known for a long time I want a nice guy, so why did I keep looking at the bad ones? Now that I have recognized and admitted my ‘problem’ I need to take steps to fix it.  For my own mental and emotional health, as well as for my children’s. I want them to be in a healthy environment and I want to set a good example for them. I want my son to see what a strong and emotionally secure and healthy man looks like, acts like. I want my daughters to desire such a man for themselves. I want them to see what a healthy relationship looks like so they might be able to find it for themselves one day.

there is something really sexy about a smart bad boy... James Dean is rocking those glasses and that poetry book...

there is something really sexy about a smart bad boy… James Dean is rocking those glasses and that poetry book…


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technology and multitasking – where has common sense gone?

Multitasking Infographic

Earlier this month I read two posts that took a look at whether or not technology was making us dumber. One was a retort of sorts to the other. Both were funny, interesting and offered differing points of view.

Chris Martin Writes: Has Technology Made Us Stupid? (Or is it just me?)

RuleofStupid: Technology is making us stupid – smarter – dumb – clever

Well I have found this lovely infographic full of interesting statics that point to the wonderful modern trends of multitasking via technology as in fact making us stupider. Not only is it apparently making us stupider but it is also making us less personable and more inconsiderate (45% of people will check their phone during a movie at the theatre – oh, you know who you are, and I must say how annoying I find that – VERY!).

It also seems that common sense has flown out the window along with good old fashioned chivalry (67% of people asked will check their emails and texts during a date… come on now, really? Am I that boring sweetheart?). Now I cannot say for sure if it is the technology or the multitasking mentality that is impairing us, but I think I can safely say they work hand in hand.

Technology in my opinion has contributed to the shortening of our attention span, creating an ‘attention deficit society’ if you will. We seem to want instant gratification. Everything must be received/achieved instantaneously and we only seem able to focus on things in short bursts. (Unless of course it is a game of Skyrim or Halo, etc – then we seem to be able to focus for many highly agitated hours – I have only observed this phenomenon as I am NOT a gamer by any stretch of the imagination). We live in a bizarre world where literal time seems to be mostly irrelevant and the occurrence of computer or technology time has emerged. 5 minutes in the real world and 5 minutes in technology world are two very different lengths of time. If you don’t believe me you should seriously try this tell some-one that is on a computer (or engage with whatever technological device) that dinner will be ready in 5 and they will show at the table with no concept of how long they took, after you have already finished eating and have cleared your plate.

Anyways… I think it’s kind of eye opening and something to think about…