Sometimes I want to runaway. I think that sounds horribly immature and perhaps a bit selfish, but some days it’s really how I feel. I just want to runaway…
Some days I feel the urge to run so bad, I just want to put on my shoes and literally run (if you knew me you’d understand how bizarre that is – I DO NOT run, walk yes, run no!). Or I could hop in my car and just drive, drive till I run out of road (well… that could work, except that I am currently vehicle-less). Really I just want to soar and see where the wind takes me. It is an overwhelming feeling in my chest, a need, and some days I feel like I just might burst.
I feel the need to clarify that it’s not because my life sucks. It’s not anything personal regarding the people in my life. Actually my life is pretty good, and I have people around me that I love so very much, and who love me in return. I have a decent job that nearly pays the bills and provides me and my kids with medical and dental benefits. Perhaps some days I am not necessarily happy, but I am certainly not miserable. I just want… more, I am not necessarily sure what I want more of, I just feel that I am destined for something other than this… for something a bit more significant… something more.
I just know that there’s this big old world out there, and I feel it calling to me, taunting me, seducing me. I want to see it, experience what life has to offer. I want to take a big bite out of it, like a juicy ripe nectarine. You know when you take that first bite, you feel your teeth rupture the skin and the sweetness of the fruit explodes in your mouth, and the juices drip off your chin and run down your arm. Well I want life to be like that. I think we should experience little moments of ecstasy every day. I want to see places I have only dreamed about. I want to feel foreign winds upon my skin. I want to feel new languages form on my tongue. I want to smell the scents of distant lands, the spices of the street markets, and wet soil and dust. To see the sites, take in the colors, hear the sounds, dance to the music.
I have these ridiculous romantic notions in my head, perhaps I have watched one too many movies, or read one too many books, or one too many blogs. But I truly feel that this burning need within can only be relieved through leaving everything I know, my comfort, my securities behind and leaping into the unknown.
I have started over a few times in my life and I know how scary, yet exhilarating a fresh start can be. It’s hard work, yet it’s so rewarding. There is something to be said about closing our eyes and stepping off the cliff into the unknown.
Just maybe it isn’t running away after all… maybe it’s running to? Maybe…