myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Moving… I hate moving…

Moving…

I have moved more than most army brats could even imagine. I attended 7 different schools growing up, and have never lived in any one house for longer 3 years EVER, that’s right count them 1, 2, 3 years. And to boot I went and married someone who had what I call “itchy feet”. We moved almost annually. The grass was always greener somewhere we were not. So we would move, and of course the grass was not greener, we were still who we were and our troubles always followed us…

Needless to say I HATE moving. I cannot begin to explain how much I loathe the whole process of moving. Every little bit, the packing, the cleaning, dealing with utilities, keeping the house cleaner than usual for showing, the STRESS. However there is something to be said for moving on and starting a new phase in life, for getting rid of all the crap that accumulates. It is amazing how much junk you can collect in even as little as a year.

do you like my sign?

do you like my sign?

So guess what I am doing end of next month… come on guess… you don’t know? I am moving!!! OH Yay! My last move was a disaster. Nothing went as planned and because it was a big move – a long distance move for two families, mine and my eldest daughter’s – I was really hoping it would go as planned. It took three days to move – it would have been two days, but we missed our ferry, and then got lost and didn’t arrive at the new house until the wee hours of the morning and so we had to grab a hotel. This time it will be a much smaller, easier move, just a few blocks up the street.

Currently I share a house with my eldest daughter. We have been sharing for just over 1 ½ years. Her family lives in the basement suite while me and her two younger sisters live on the upper floor (currently my son is also with us, he has a mattress that goes in my living room – just please don’t ask).  We are cramped; the house is too small for so many people. We are stressed living in such tight quarters. And so we are all parting our ways. My eldest and her family are moving to Abbotsford (a 15 – 20 minute drive away). Her fiancé will be attending university there this coming fall. My son has to move out on his own or try to move back in with his dad, he is a young man now, 19 yrs old, and its time. It’s hard and sending one of your children out into the world is a difficult thing to do, but I know it will be good for him. In fact I know this move will be beneficial for all involved.

This house is cute...

This house is cute…

But it is still hard and I still hate moving. Perhaps I will feel differently about it when it is just me and my few belongings. Then maybe I can be a free spirit and travel staying for stints here and there… who knows that could be a lot of fun… or not. But for now I am limited by work and school as to where I shall live. I have 2 teenage girls to think about. Where I live – not just the house and the size of it, but also its locale – is important. One day those things won’t matter so much, and I will be able to live where I want in whatever I choose. But I am not there yet. (Besides who knows maybe by then it won’t be just me? But that is another train of thought and possibly another post for another time)

So for now, I am moving. Have I mentioned how much I HATE moving?

Maybe I'll just live in here and travel???

Maybe I’ll just live in here and travel???


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Change… it’s a coming…

I have had a hard time getting into the swing of things since the holidays. I had nearly two full weeks off, and getting back to schedule has been very hard. I am only just recently back to sleeping regularly. As for writing: I haven’t been blogging regularly and I haven’t been journaling regularly either. I feel a bit out of synch. It’s nothing in particular; it’s not sadness, or being too busy. I am, if anything, feeling listless. There is so much, too much going on around me and I can “feel” it in the air. That sounds so corny. But seriously I am feeling like there is major change coming. Everything around me feels restless. And in the midst of it I am having trouble focusing and getting settled.

I have big expectations for me and my family this year. I truly believe that major things are ahead – they may be down the road aways… like in the next few years. But I feel good about it. Change is kind of exciting. Why did I always fear it?

I know that we will be moving soon. My eldest daughter, and her family share the house we are renting – they have a suite downstairs; me and her 2 sisters are upstairs. But it is time to consider parting ways – we are both feeling it. No hard feelings it’s just time.

A part of me wants to just head across Canada and see where I end up. But I will have to wait on that as my 15 year old is just finishing her grade 10 year and is feeling stable here and I promised her that I would do whatever I can to ensure that she would do grades 11 & 12 at the same school (with the exception of situations beyond my control – of course). So it looks like I will be staying here in this town until at least July 2015.

OK so what I am trying to say? Good question. I’m saying I feel change in the air and in the midst of it I am feeling very out of synch with it. And so I am pushing forward while trying to not lose sight of my ‘bucket list’. I need to aim towards the goals and dreams I set down. Sometimes in the face of day-to-day it is easy to set our dreams aside. To forget them, label them as unrealistic or immature, and let them fade into the distance until they are no more. But then life becomes extremely dull, and tedious, even painful to endure. I must keep my eyes on my dreams, yet I must also allow for those dreams to change and evolve, as I make progress and grow.

I need to be loose enough to go with life’s flow, yet focused enough to keep my eyes on what I want. I need to keep pushing forward, not tossed about to and fro, but stable, without being rigid. Life is always changing, it’s so easy to get left behind, and not even know it until it’s too late.

Yea, change is coming and it’s a good thing….

KT Tunstall – Hold On (with lyrics)