myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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The Love-Hate Challenge…

Wanda from A Girl named Wanda has nominated me to participate in the Love-Hate Challenge. In this challenge, I have to list 10 things I love and 10 things I hate, then I’m supposed to nominate other bloggers for the challenge, but seeing as I’m off to a late start it seems most of those that I would have nominated have already taken part. So instead I will leave an open invitation for anyone that hasn’t participated yet and wants to, to go ahead and tell us what you love and hate 🙂

My Love list: or things that leave me all a flutter:

1) Music… music can literally alter my moods, change the way my day is going, lift me up or leave me sobbing. I cannot imagine a world without music, it is capable of stripping you down and leaving your soul naked and bare. I love it!

2) Creative expression… this of course does include music, but really any art form falls under this heading, writing, drawing, singing, dancing, playing an instrument, cooking/baking, painting, rearranging furniture, photography, you name it if it is a creative outlet I love it and am willing to give it try.

3) Nature… I do not come across as an outdoorsy girl and I don’t spend near enough time outside. But I truly love communing with nature. Walking through a meadow or wandering in the forest, climbing rocks and walking logs on the beach, staring at the moon and stars,seeing a sunset or a sunrise (if I can haul my butt out of bed early enough) there’s something magical about these experiences.

4) Sleeping… I love curling up in a comfy bed and just releasing the day as I drift off to sleep.

5) Food… Food can be such an amazing source of comfort, and pleasure. There is something to be said about a good meal that leaves you not too full but rather perfectly satisfied. I like all kinds of food from all kinds of ethnicities.

6) Spending quality time with the ones I love… Be it friend or family there is nothing like being with those you love, what more is there to say about that?

7) Alone time… I have been a mom for more of my life than I have not been, and there is something about that experience that has taught me to really appreciate alone time. Alone time when kids are little is far and few and in between – I mean seriously at that stage you can’t even pee alone without someone crying outside the door with their little fingers pushed under the door wiggling at you. Now that they are older, half the nest has already flown to start their own lives, I am glad that I am learning to take alone time. I am realizing that one day I will be alone and I have to know how to be comfortable with myself, with being my own company.

8) Flowers… I love flowers. I think that a nicely arranged bouquet of flowers just adds something to a room. I don’t care if it’s wild flowers that have been hand picked or a simple bouquet of carnations from the local grocery store they add a lovely pop of color, and hint of perfume to a room. This was a sore spot in my marriage, I wanted flowers, and he just didn’t get it. Now I have learned to buy myself a bouquet every once in a while.

9) A good book… Reading a good book is like living another life for a short time. You get to explore new worlds, make new friends and borrow someone else’s eyes.

10) Love… I am in love with notion of love. “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.” I believe in all the fairytales, love at first sight, soulmates, love conquers all, all you need is love… I love love.

My Hate list: or things that make my skin crawl and my guts churn:

1) Creepy crawlers… I do not like spiders, millipede type critters, earwigs, creepy crawlers freak me right out. That scene in King Kong when Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) is hiding in the rotting log and all the bugs come out and start crawling on her… JUST NO!!!!

2) Puking… I do not deal well with vomit. I doesn’t matter who is sick, myself or others, I hate it. I can’t see it, smell it, or hear it or my gag reflex starts. My poor dear children learned young, Mom will get you a cold cloth for your head, she’ll wipe your tears and get you to the toilet then she’ll stand in the hall till you’re done. (I suddenly feel really guilty about this…)

3) Guilt… I hate guilt. I’m not talking about legitimate feelings of guilt for having actually done something wrong. I’m talking about the type of guilt that comes from manipulation, or from feelings of duty. You know the would’a, should’a, could’a type of guilt. It sucks and is not in anyway productive or helpful.

4) Bad movies and literature… I feel ripped off when I have invested my time and energy into something that is just plain old bad. Movies with no real plot or flat characters, books that are overly predictable or poorly written, it is just a waste.

5) Negative judgmental people… OK I don’t actually hate the people but I do hate being surrounded with negativity and mountains of judgement. One of the evils of this is it rubs off on you. If I spend my time with someone who is constantly making negative, judgy comments eventually I catch myself being negative and judgy. And being like that just feels gross.

6) Fast food and being out of shape… These two go hand in hand. They are nasty habits that are extremely easy to fall into, and they can quickly become an addictive lifestyle which makes them difficult to break.

7) Not sleeping… Crawling into my comfy bed and then tossing and turning all nite long sucks!

8) Drama… I hate dealing with drama. Somedays it feels like I am surrounded by a bunch of drama queens. If I could just ignore it all and walk away I would but sadly their drama effects me and my life as this is family.

9) Obligation… I despise doing things because I ‘have’ to, because it’s my so-called obligation, duty, job, responsibilty… I don’t care what you call it . I feel like I’m slowly being choked to death, gasping for air. It leads to resentment which is a terrible feeling.

10) Hate… I despise the notion of hate. Hate detroys people, cultures, countries. It causes so much pain and creates cycles that are so hard to break. I can’t fathom how anyone can truly hate someone. It is a very low thing to take all your fear and project it onto another person, a group of people or an entire ethnicity. I just don’t understand it at all. I hate hate.

And there you have it folks… 10 things I love and 10 things I hate. Again feel free to participate if you haven’t received an official nomination.Be sure to link or ping back to me so I can read your lists 🙂


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Day 85 – Now what? some random thoughts…

So much going on, and yet so much of the same old, same old. Today my eldest is 24! I cannot get my brain around that. I still remember her as a chatty little 2 year old who never stopped making noise, if she wasn’t talking she was singing and dancing (or asleep). She used to run around flapping her arms screaming “fatty free! fatty free!” Translation: “Fly be free!”, as when she would overwhelm me with too many “why?” questions I would reply “fly be free little bird”. Man she was cute.

Now she is a strong vibrant young woman, a mother and a wife. She has her whole life in front of her and there is so much I want to tell her, yet I know she needs to learn much of it her on her own; have her own experiences, learn her own life lessons. She is capable and smart and her only limitations are those she puts on herself.

Hmmm what else? Oh yes I did not get to go clothes shopping on the weekend. But we did have a nice afternoon visit and birthday dinner for my sweet girl. And I am still excited for the play this coming Saturday. But anxious about the drive into Vancouver. Also I am contemplating going to Victoria to visit with a friend and to take 14 to the Royal BC Museum and Beacon Hill Park and maybe the Imax theatre. My only obstacle at the moment is finding the cash to do it. But 14 is going to visit the museum before this summer is over.

On another note my bestie came for a brief visit yesterday – we squeezed in a quick lunch – and is on her way back home. In roughly one months time she will be headed across Canada to relocate her family in Nova Scotia. This is bitter sweet. I am so happy for her and excited for the adventure ahead, and for all the opportunities that are waiting. Yet I am sad to see her go, and know that yesterday’s lunch may be the last time I see her for quite some time.

There are just so many opportunities out there and I am tired of being bored and wishing from afar to experience them. I am tired of money being such a freaking obstacle in my life. Paycheck to paycheck sucks, and it seems that on paper everything budgets fine, but in real life… well… not so much. I have to change my habits and start making things work. What are my excuses other than just that – excuses? And where do my excuses come from? They are rooted in both fear and laziness. I don’t want to be 70+ years old sitting around wishing “if only”. I want to be looking through photo albums (do people still have those?) with grand children and great grand children showing them all the cool places I’ve seen and telling them about the amazing places and people I’ve met and things that I’ve experienced. I want to be able to inspire them to go out into the big old world and achieve and do because of what I’ve done rather than because they see my sorrow and regret and decide they don’t want that for themselves.

scary yet exciting