myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Change… it’s a coming…

I have had a hard time getting into the swing of things since the holidays. I had nearly two full weeks off, and getting back to schedule has been very hard. I am only just recently back to sleeping regularly. As for writing: I haven’t been blogging regularly and I haven’t been journaling regularly either. I feel a bit out of synch. It’s nothing in particular; it’s not sadness, or being too busy. I am, if anything, feeling listless. There is so much, too much going on around me and I can “feel” it in the air. That sounds so corny. But seriously I am feeling like there is major change coming. Everything around me feels restless. And in the midst of it I am having trouble focusing and getting settled.

I have big expectations for me and my family this year. I truly believe that major things are ahead – they may be down the road aways… like in the next few years. But I feel good about it. Change is kind of exciting. Why did I always fear it?

I know that we will be moving soon. My eldest daughter, and her family share the house we are renting – they have a suite downstairs; me and her 2 sisters are upstairs. But it is time to consider parting ways – we are both feeling it. No hard feelings it’s just time.

A part of me wants to just head across Canada and see where I end up. But I will have to wait on that as my 15 year old is just finishing her grade 10 year and is feeling stable here and I promised her that I would do whatever I can to ensure that she would do grades 11 & 12 at the same school (with the exception of situations beyond my control – of course). So it looks like I will be staying here in this town until at least July 2015.

OK so what I am trying to say? Good question. I’m saying I feel change in the air and in the midst of it I am feeling very out of synch with it. And so I am pushing forward while trying to not lose sight of my ‘bucket list’. I need to aim towards the goals and dreams I set down. Sometimes in the face of day-to-day it is easy to set our dreams aside. To forget them, label them as unrealistic or immature, and let them fade into the distance until they are no more. But then life becomes extremely dull, and tedious, even painful to endure. I must keep my eyes on my dreams, yet I must also allow for those dreams to change and evolve, as I make progress and grow.

I need to be loose enough to go with life’s flow, yet focused enough to keep my eyes on what I want. I need to keep pushing forward, not tossed about to and fro, but stable, without being rigid. Life is always changing, it’s so easy to get left behind, and not even know it until it’s too late.

Yea, change is coming and it’s a good thing….

KT Tunstall – Hold On (with lyrics)


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The Bucket List follow up…

Ok I am following up on my Bucket List post, I am not sure that this is really a complete list. Probably not even close. I am still figuring things out and think it may even change a few times between here and “the Bucket”. But here it goes… in no particular order – My Bucket List:

  • Follow my heart and my dreams: STOP pleasing others and be true to me
  • Help others regularly – the small things DO matter
  • Take some web design classes
  • Go to concerts!!! lots of them, all genres, just go and take the experiences in! See a real live opera
  • Start a collection: I’m not sure of what just yet, but I want it to represent places and experiences in my life. Maybe photos? IDK…
  • Take my girls on a real outdoors camping trip
  • Learn to use power tools without fear (OK maybe a small amount of respectful fear)
  • Restore a VW van – olive green and cream with shiny chrome, a light tan interior, and real wood accents.
  • Write and publish a book – it can be a novel, a book of short stories, poetry, or maybe a book of thoughts and musings…
  • Read the writings of Hugh Prather
  • Either finish or throw out my half done projects. (this is a big one it involves moving on and letting go)
  • Keep a complete journal for a full year (one that I write in at least a few days every week for the year – no three month plus gaps allowed)
  • Start a Blog! and maintain it… 🙂
  • Learn a new language – Turkish, I want to learn conversational Turkish to know why see next point
  • Teach English abroad – Go to Turkey for a summer to teach conversational English – I am thinking of going through TeachOverseas.org
  • Start using my camera, then maybe buy a better camera
  • Colour all 7 of the new full sized Doodle Art posters (if you were raised in the 70’s/80’s you should remember these posters)
  • Complete enough art for an art show
  • Hold an art show
  • Go horseback riding
  • Feel comfortable with myself naked
  • Spend 2 weeks alone (for real alone – I mean no kids, no family, just me and my thoughts – hhhmmm it just got scary)
  • Figure out what it is I love and start doing it for a living
  • Learn to really play an instrument guitar and/or piano, keep singing
  • Be in a band and record something – it doesn’t even have to be great, I just want to have a CD (I’d prefer if it was great)
  • Live in a foreign place for at least a year
  • Fall in love, have a real wedding and a Honeymoon
  • TRAVEL:  This list is a work in progress I really want to go just about everywhere and so….

Forks, Washington – for my girls
Disneyland California – with the kids
Scotland – a lochness finding expedition
Greece, Italy, the Mediterranean, Middle East, and Northern Africa
Maui – this has a story to it (I may share one day)
The Grand Canyon
Stonehenge

Abandoned places: Seattle’s underground city, NY subways, Petra, Inner city Detroit, Centralia Pennsylvania, etc. so many amazing places sitting empty and desolate…


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To Bucket List, or not to Bucket List?

Everyone needs to have a vision & a mission for their life… what’s the difference? Think of it this way: your vision is the destination, and your mission is the map that will get you there… ~ ♥ me ~

Pearls before Swine Comic Strip, December 23, 2011 http://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2011/12/23

The other day I started working on my very own, all too common and oh so very overdone ‘Bucket List’. I am not sure if I will post it when it is complete or not, but that is not really the point. My point is that after reviewing many versions of the bucket list online I have decided that I really want to write for myself a realistic list. One in which I know I can complete at least some of it. I do not want a fairytale list that will leave me feeling sad, bitter and disappointed with my life. (Now that does not mean that I am writing a list that is easy to achieve either – ‘the underachiever’s bucket list.’) I am simply feeling that my list needs to contain things that I will have to actually work for (the reward will be sweeter that way), it must have both short and long term goals, one’s that are easy (so I don’t get discouraged) and one’s that are difficult (yet actually achievable).

I am trying to look at my life from the outside and then from that stand point to create a map; a map that contains both a vision and a mission for my life (or perhaps many small missions). Once I have my vision set; or once I have determined my destination, then I can start mapping out the route(s) to get there. This makes sense to me. It makes sense that once my list is realized, then I can start figuring out the why’s and the how’s of it all. Only then I can begin working towards fulfilment.

I must clarify that Iam certainly not looking to create a list of 100 things to do before I die (or 101 for that matter – there appear to be a lot of those out there) I don’t want to create some random list with a bunch of obscure things written on it just so that I can reach a specific number. Random points with no connection, no rhyme or reason to them feel unachievable to me. But a list containing a handful of main points and highlights, and many small pit stops along the route to get there, feels complete somehow.

And so I am looking into my heart and trying to list the actual desires I find there. Be that 20 or 200 things, the number is irrelevant. It’s all about quality. Will the things on my list be a) achievable, and b) enrich the quality of my life? I really think that is the point of the before I kick the “bucket list”.

From my spoken heart to yours, xox