myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Stirrings…

stirrings come from deep within
dwelling in my soul
creeping like mist, they
echo like the lone wolf’s cry
at the harvest moon

longings tugging at my heart
for silence and solitude
ocean waves lap the shores
branches sway in the wind
the eagle’s call drifts on morning air

deep dark blues
smokey greys
mossy greens
like thick fog
enveloping my brain

I hear the trees call
waters murmur
bird songs
city life is hard
and cold
and lonely

drowning in a sea of people
alone
surrounded by lives
yet never touched
time to reconnect
feel nature beneath my feet
breath clean air
explore forests of trees
not concrete jungles

stirrings come from deep within
longings tugging at my heart
deep dark blues
I hear the trees call
drowning in a sea of people.


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Day 78 – Happy, Sad…

I feel overwhelmed today. Not in a bad way. I am happy and content in that I have people who love me in my life. I have a wonderful family and a precious new grand-daughter. I am not drowning in debt, I have good health, those I love have good health. I’m happy that there are people I can laugh with, even if they are far away. I am happy that I have a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, a paycheck every two weeks, a vehicle that gets me from A to B, and that things are going relatively smoothly right now. I am feeling good, losing weight, eating better than before – but still have my days. I am feeling more adventurous about things, looking at different opportunities, exploring my sexuality (learning to be a freer spirit and not so closed).

BUT…

I have a hollow achy place in my heart. A spot where I terribly miss those who are absent. Not having my mother around to visit with, not being able to see the love in her eyes that she would have had for my kids, for the grand-kids. Having to wait to see my gentleman friend because our current schedules are not compatible. Not being able to have coffee and hugs with some of those that I love dearly because they are too far away, in a different city, out of province, out of country etc. And surprisingly Father’s Day actually hit me this year. Not having a dad – never having had a dad – it just feels so empty.

It’s strange how a human being can hold so much love, happiness, and at the same time so much empty sadness within them…

 


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Fare thee well sweet kittens…

So lastnite the kittens went to a new home. I felt like such a mean/bad mom. I even cried. The kids however although upset were pretty much fine with it. They didn’t cry. They didn’t yell. They made a few comments but otherwise all was well. It’s weird this morning I missed their little mews and yellow eyes. But it will be nice to be able to breathe clearly and not take antihistamines like they are candy. Back to normal…. well as normal as we will ever be…