myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Death by complacency…

Do you think it is possible to die from complacency? Do you think our dreams and desires can just wither up and blow away in the wind? Do you believe that each person has a purpose? That every one of us is unique by design and has some sort of special function in society? A divine reason to be? Or do we just exist, be born, work, pay bills, get old, die?

I am starting to believe that complacency is the rot that slowly eats away at the soul leaving us to wander as metaphorical zombies through life. I think it consumes our moral fibre, it kills hope, desire, morale, incentive… causes us to just give up, and leaves behind a resounding cry of “meh, good enough.”

You know the catch phrases: “It’s the way it is and the way it’s always been.” “Get with the program.” “Your dreams won’t pay the bills or put food on your plate.” “Grow up and get your head out of the clouds.” “Just work harder and you’ll eventually catch your break.” blah, blah, blah the voices of the disenfranchised. (I gave up on my dreams now it’s your turn…)

As a society we seem to suffer from a severe case of settling. It’s easier to conform to the routine of life than to take the plunge and do what we were meant to do; LIVE! Fear holds back the masses. “But this is how it’s supposed to be, right?” but if this is how it’s meant to be then why, oh why are we all so unhappy, so blah, going through the motions eagerly pleading for our days off to arrive quickly, yet never feeling like they are enough? Working at jobs that we find mediocre at best just to barely pay the bills, never having that extra bit that we swear we will start setting aside next payday, every payday, so that one day we can do whatever that dream of ours is… buy a boat, go on vacation, get the tools or art supplies or technology to make it a reality.

This morning on the way to work I was listening to the radio, I discovered that minimum wage is going up again: $0.40 an hour, come this September. I’m not sure that is going to make a huge difference to people trying to survive on it but it’s a step in the right direction. Anyways the announcers went on to say that according to recent studies in order for people to survive above the “poverty line” in the area I live minimum wage would need to be $17.10 per hour. That is more than I currently make an hour and is $6.85 more than the current minimum wage. No wonder so many people seem to have given up. No wonder complacency has enveloped the masses. We are tired of fighting a losing battle. An invisible war between the haves and the have-nots. And I am not just talking about people here, those who have and those who have-not, but rather dreams, I’m referencing the war of have and have-not for our dreams.

The sacrifices we have made, most likely not even on a conscious level, in order to survive (barely) in a society that promises to provide and give in abundance if we would just work a little harder, give a little more, yet in the end it only seems  to take and continues to demand more! more! more! until there is nothing left. Nothing but an empty husk that was once ripe and full of dreams and now is barren and withered like an old woman’s womb.

I seem to cycle through my complacency. It hits in waves. A wave crashes down and I feel so overwhelmed by it I cannot fathom moving forward. Then it recedes and I feel the sun’s warmth, I see it’s brilliance and I am filled with hope. I struggle to upright myself, to make my way across the beach, just as another wave crashes down on me. But I will not give up. Even if I have to crawl across the beach, enduring the pummeling waves. I will make it, I can see the line where the waves give way and cannot reach… I will make it. How about you?


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Oh 2015, what do you hold in store?

My New Year got off on kind of a bizarre note. I spent the 1st doing the usual, taking down the tree and chilling, knowing that back to work was looming in the background – which is pretty normal right? I spent most of the 2nd with my Eldest and then her family stayed the night and we had had a lovely dinner of East Indian food and once the wee-ones were in bed we played Settler’s of Catan. It was fun, again normal kind of stuff. On Sunday the 3rd we woke to a snow fall – not much just a few inches, but enough that I didn’t want to go out as I do not have snow tires. After my company had left I was lazing about in my pj’s, waiting for my ex to drop our youngest off at home. This is where bizarre decides to show up.

I thankfully had decided that perhaps I should shower and get dressed in actual clothes before he showed. Why thankfully? Well mostly because he didn’t. Instead I got a text that his van had broken down about half way between his place and mine, in Aldergrove. I live in Mission, he lives on the outskirts of Surrey. From my house to his is close to an hour with clear roads and minimal traffic. It was nearing rush hour and the roads were slushy as the snow had turned into a torrential downpour. We had rain, freezing rain and flood warnings on the weather network. Do any of you recall how I feel about driving in uncertain conditions? Well this was pretty much the queen mother of uncertain driving conditions.

Luckily his van broke down near a service station that was actually open. They had somewhere warm and dry to wait, and I had a definitive address to look up and get directions to. I had to force a very reluctant teenager to be my company and co-pilot, but she did concede and come with me, thank God! Anyways, the map said in good conditions it should be about a 25 minute drive to the service station, it took me a nerve wracking 45 minutes to get there. On the way I passed an ambulance attending to a crumpled truck that had spun out on the highway and was partway in the ditch. My daughter wanted to know why it was facing the wrong way for the traffic. I tried not to think about it. I went through numerous puddles that splashed up over the windshield and temporarily blinded me. One was so bad it made us shriek. The rain was pelting down so hard I was practically blind without all the puddle splashes. And even though it was only 4-ish it was completely black out. BUT I MADE IT IN ONE PIECE!!!!

Anyways, long weird story even longer and weirder… my ex and his girlfriend (Yes it’s not even a month and a half ago that he asked me to reconcile with him, but that is a whole other sordid tale) were going to get a cab to her house which is near Richmond the amount this would cost is beyond ridiculous. So me being the nice person that I am said I’d help them. I could have driven away laughing like any normal ex-wife would have done, but then I would have to live with myself, so I didn’t, instead I smiled and offered my help (all the while thinking to myself “seriously wtf are you doing?”). As I do not drive in Surrey or Richmond EVER I let my ex drive with all of us squished into my car – me, both my girls, my ex and his girlfriend – to his girlfriend’s house to get her car. We had a short pit-stop at Tim Horton’s for warm drinks and something to tide over growlie tummies. Then we all drove back towards my place till I was in an area I knew and could navigate my own way back home. I have to admit I do not miss his driving. He is an aggressive driver and I found myself screaming in my head “BRAKES! Why are you not pressing the brakes yet!?!?!” quite a few times. This whole excursion only took nearly 3 hours and 1/3 of a tank of gas. But I was safely home with both my girls, my first adventure of 2015 complete!

I know I had wanted 2015 to be a year of adventure, but this was not really what I had in mind. I certainly had not intended to spend my last day of holidays like that. And now I am wondering just what 2015 has in store for me…

So yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!