myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours


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Insecurity motivates stupidity…

teardropI have recently learned the lesson that texting is a poor method of communication and that one must think before hitting send. (One being me). That we can carelessly type something and send it without understanding, contemplating, knowing… how it may be taken. (We being me). I have realized that even though something may seem funny or clever as it is typed, how it will be perceived is another matter all together. There is no body language, voice inflection, or twinkle in the eye to indicate what was actually meant vs what the words may, or may not, actually say. Which basically translates as: I said something off hand in an attempt to hide emotions I was feeling and in turn hurt and emotionally wounded someone I deeply care about.

I’m sorry isn’t enough, but it’s all I have


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Some truth about relationships

When it comes to relationships, the kind that we tend to dream of, we close our eyes and fantasize about love and attraction, holding hands, long walks on the beach, moonlit evenings by a fire, laughing, sharing secrets, steamy sex, and feelings of bliss and comfort. And those things are all amazing. Those are the things that make us shout:

 “I’m in love! I’m in love! and I don’t care who knows it!” Buddy the elf ~ Elf

Just like everybody else I long for those moments of bliss, and camaraderie. The joys of sharing all the wonderful times with some-one special. But I also want to be able to experience the tremulous moments of heated disagreement. Those moments when nothing is in control and you wonder if maybe you’re just a wee bit crazy. Why? Because if you can get through those moments and still feel safe and loved with that person you know you have a keeper. You know that this is a relationship that has the potential to make it; to become something beautiful.

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” ~ Mulan

How can you truly appreciate how wonderful and amazing your life/relationship is if you’ve never caught a glimpse of how hard it can be? It’s in those moments that you learn what you are made of. What your partner is made of. What your relationship is built on. Seriously the painful moments are the ones that really show you just what the wonderful moments are worth and just how precious they really are.

Are you able to argue without fighting dirty? Can you disagree and be OK with that? Does a bad mood permeate the air and make it toxic, or is something that you can talk out and work on together? Do the disagreements bring you closer? Or do they provide you with bricks to build walls with? (Or maybe to throw at one another?) I have been in that horrible toxic place before. It just keeps escalating. It becomes more and more torturous, and dangerous everyday. I didn’t just build walls of resentment I learned to build a fortified city that thrived on negative emotion. It was a horrible place to be. So much sadness, so much anger. I never want to be there again…

It’s because I have been in that bad place before that I know I don’t want relationship that never suffers moments of discourse. A relationship that is always ‘sunshine and roses’ is a lie. It cannot last. It is not possible to agree with someone 100% of the time, no matter how much you love eachother. And that’s OK. That is one thing I have learned. It’s not the disagreement that is unhealthy, it is the way we choose to deal with it, or not deal with it, that determines if it’s healthy or not.

Next time around I want to know that no matter what happens that I am safe, I am wanted, and I am loved.

a group of 4 & 5 yr olds were asked what is love? this was one of the answers...

a group of 4 & 5 yr olds were asked what is love? this was one of the answers…

An awesome cover of Haddaways “What is Love?”


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A piece of my heart broke today…

I am sharing with you today a post from a fabulous blogger Dan Pearce, his blog is Single Dad Laughing, he is full of bang on insight and compassion. Today he posted about self worth. About parenting teenagers and how easy it is for us to damage them. Today I got slapped in the face, HARD!, and a piece of my heart broke. Crumbling to dust…

As many of you my readers know I have 4 kids. 2 which are still living at home. 2 of which are teenagers. As a lot of you also know my relationship with one of my beautiful daughters is hard. It is often strained and has moments of great difficulty. And after reading Dan’s post today I see that I play a much bigger part in the problem than I was accepting.

My daughter is smart, she is capable, she is beautiful. She is talented; at art, music, and drama, and she is funny. She can be compassionate and helpful. But she can also push my buttons and so often I tell her about the buttons, oh how I tell her about the buttons. But I also so often forget to tell her all the other wonderful stuff. I tell her I love her everyday. But I know from experience words have to be backed up with action. Words mean little when there are contradictions being presented. You need at least 100 “I love you’s” to make up for just one “you suck!”

Coming from a marriage where the tear down was routine, I am ashamed that I allow myself to get caught in that same behaviour. I am ashamed that I have a tongue that can lash out and tear down in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t matter what the other person said, or did, or didn’t do. I know better. I know how much it hurts.  I know how hard it is to rebuild. It takes so much longer to rebuild than it does to tear down.

So my hope is to share this post with her as well as you. My hope is that maybe her and I can sit down together and piece by piece we can glue one another’s heart back together. It won’t happen right away. It will take time, it will take patience, and it will hurt sometimes. But I know she is worth it. And I am pretty sure I am too.

Single Dad Laughing – Worthless Teenagers & the Parents Who Make Them

I hope that you all take the time to read the full post: even if you don’t have any kids, there is so much in there that can be applied. It can help you to see your own life a bit better too.

This one is truly from my spoken heart to yours…