musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

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Coming Clean… part 2

At the beginning of June I posted “Coming Clean”. I explained how I have been feeling that I need to put together a personal ritual or ceremony of cleansing over myself, my life, my family and my home. As part of this coming clean process I have been writing out cleansing statements. These statements represent what I want to say, and where I want to say them when I walk through my home, and carry on with my life. I personally believe that the spoken word has a lot of power. I believe that words can build, and that they can destroy. I know they can hold people prisoner. I also believe that part of the spoken word’s power is our faith in those words. We must acknowledge them and trust that they are true (or false) or they are just meaningless sounds uttered into the wind.

Anyways I have put together my daily “mantra” if you will. I have been saying this over myself at least twice a day since Monday June 22.

“I am calling home all of the energy that I have left behind or given away carelessly. And I release all energies that I am carrying that do not belong to me, sending them back to whomever or wherever they belong.”

(This mantra is evolving and keeps changing to be smoother and more meaningful to me as I continue to say it.)

I can’t say that these words are necessarily restoring me at this point but I can safely say that they are helping me to see what I do and what I don’t have control over, and that I can change the things I do have control over, and find peace with the things I don’t. These words are helping me to be more self aware about how I spend my energy, and about who I am pouring that energy into and to take a moment to look at why. To be able to ask myself “What is the motive for why I am doing this?” It’s important for me to be motivated by love, an honest desire to help or give and to have pure intentions. If I am acting out of guilt, duty, or because it’s just easier, then I probably should be saying no. If I have already said no then I need to stand by that unless there is a valid reason to change my mind. And if I am giving because I am motivated by gain, I need to re-evaluate the cost. Is that gain equal to or greater than what I am giving away?

I hope this doesn’t sound selfish in any way, it’s not meant to. I am acting on the premise of self care. I have spent far too much of my life as a “giver”. I have given till I have been depleted and then not been able to give when and where I really felt I should because there was nothing left. This practice has left me sick, tired and resentful. It’s time to learn to act on the things I have learned and believe. Self care is essential to caring for others. The bible says “Love your neighbour as yourself”, I think that if that is the second out of only two commands the first being “love the lord your God with all your heart” then it’s pretty freaking important. So why are we are taught that self love is the sin of pride? (That, my friends, is another conversation for another time.)

Here’s to coming out clean, no matter how long or how strange the process may seem. 🙂