I have been hopelessly absent as of late. There has been much going on that has contributed to it. But when it all gets boiled down the truth is I have just been feeling down.
My office relocated – moving a home is difficult, moving a business is worse. It has been an enormous event that has left me feeling exhausted and embittered. The boss announced our move roughly a month and half before it would happen, but refused to solidly commit to a date. He then announced that he would be gone for 2 weeks on holidays and I was left to take care of everything (and I still had a possible question mark on the date…) I made all the arrangements, packed the majority of the office, with the exception of each employees personal office space. All considered things went fairly smoothly. I have yet to receive a thank-you for all the work I put in from the boss, one of my co-workers has been very kind and wonderful though so that helps some. I had been kind of excited about the move. We went from a dirty old building in an out of the way area, to brand new renovations, all new paint and carpet, right downtown. And now I just don’t give a shit.
See after the move things did not go as planned. I nearly quit my job last Tuesday by way of telling my boss “to go fuck himself”. Thankfully I held my tongue. He was in a snit because things were unorganized and there were a bunch of boxes in our entrance area. He took it out on me as “we are a place of business and it’s a mess”. I agreed it was a mess, but the kicker is the boxes were the last ones to leave the old office. He had gone back on his own to get them and they were supposed to go the local second hand store – I had offered to take them. Instead of going to the second hand store they sat in his car for 3 days and then on Thursday after everyone was gone he removed them from his car, so that it was empty for traveling on the Easter weekend, and put them in the entrance area. Then on Tuesday he chose to blame me for them being there. He “asked” me my opinion on how we should set the entrance area up then literally turned and walked away while I was answering him, then came back and got flippant with me when I had not moved the boxes and set up chairs etc. I said “and where shall I relocate the boxes to?” This response aggravated him, and I got told that I should be doing something not sitting at my computer (did I mention it is also our year end? Or that he was fiddling around setting up the TV in the boardroom, because that is an urgent task I’m sure, and had been reading the local paper in his office only a few minutes before that?)
Anyways I have been feeling sick, exhausted and morally low since. I am seeking other employment as I do not think I will last there much longer. The only thing worse than being at a job that isn’t fulfilling/rewarding is having to deal with people who have zero appreciation for what you do . Add that I’m not actually making enough to meet all my obligations, well….
And there is also much going on in my private life as well. My dear 17 is graduating this year – a costly affair that is approaching far too quickly, and she has recently started a job which means “hello mom’s chauffeur service”. Also my ex moved province and did it in a way that was just so typical – he didn’t even say goodbye to the girls the day he left, instead he guilted them for not magically knowing and calling to say bye to him (even though he broke plans twice to spend time with them before leaving). This obviously has not gone over well. They hold a brave face but I know. Of course I know I’m mom – I see them everyday, I just know. (I also seem to get the brunt of the attitude it leaves behind)
So I have been in a wee bit of a dark, hectic place as of late.I don’t like feeling void. I don’t like being perpetually exhausted. I don’t like dreading going back to work tomorrow. I hate dealing with toxic people. I hate that I have not been blogging….
We will see what the future holds. I’m routing for good things. Big changes. But good results.