For one reason or another I found myself perusing antidotal mommy blog’s this morning, it all started when I checked out a cute post about the “glamours” of mothering young children that someone had shared on FB. Anyways that post had links to other posts and somehow I ended up checking out a post regarding how “romance” changes after kids, and another that was berating glamour magazines and their suggestions for keeping the love life “spicy” after kids. And even though each of these articles was mildly amusing in reality I found them disturbing.
Apparently once a woman has had more than 1 child she is laughably no longer interested in romance, wooing or sex in any way shape or form and her new found ideal consists of her husband submissively catering to the North American sitcom version of marriage, (you know the family with the worn out, over bearing wife, the whipped husband and a gaggle of kids). The old fantasies of rampant, erotic sex have given way to new romantic fantasies that now consist of the husband trading in his Audi for a new mini-van, or compromising on the holidays and suggesting “let’s visit your family this year”. I don’t know about you but I was under the impression that such things were the standard give and take situations that made marriages work, not grand romantic gestures. Also these scenarios all ended with the woman being totally “turned on” yet making some excuse/reason why there would be no intimacy.
I am curious if women really do lose their desire for sex after the second child comes along, because they are rattled, and just too damned exhausted (I never had this problem – with the exception of perhaps the first month or two after the new bundle of cuteness had arrived, which according to this mornings reading makes me a weirdo). According to the stereotypes I exposed myself to today, after the first baby comes a woman can do a child headcount of how many times she’s had sex since. To me this isn’t really all that funny, I actually find it rather sad. I get being tired, I get having days where you’re not interested, I understand that there are times when you don’t give a rat’s ass about anything cuz you’re just friggin’ done. But that’s normal, kids or no kids. We all have days where life knocks us down, the stress is too much, and we just want to wear track pants forever and live off of cereal cuz it’s easy. But heaven forbid that having children sucks you down to that type of existence all.the.time.
I suppose these articles left me feeling like why on earth did these women have kids if it made their life suck so much that they can’t even find a few moments each week to love themselves, and their spouses and enjoy being married. Having children does not strip us of our dignity. It does not, or at least should not, smother our desire to be wanted, or our need for both self love and received love.
I have been noticing as of late that there are a lot of stereotypes out there regarding marriage and motherhood and they are extremely unhealthy (also fatherhood, but that’s another blog post). These stereotypes are not funny, I find them comparable to the female stereotyping of yes=no, no=yes, if she’s into sex she’s a slut, if she’s not she’s a prude. All single women are bimbos who use men for money, unless they are self sufficient in which case they are hard core bitches that hate men. And if you’re married you must be “the old ball and chain” and if you have had kids then your sex life is dead and your husband is a pussy whipped weakling who on one hand doesn’t want to upset you and on the other hand is completely useless and oblivious and so he is always upsetting you. (talk about a catch 22)
Why do we seem to typify things in a negative manner?
I’m not sure this post went in the direction I was thinking when I started typing. I am not sure I am effectively portraying how I feel or saying what I wish to say. All I know for sure is that what started out as some light humorous reading ended with me feeling a bit miffed and frustrated.