myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

A new day brings silver-linings and disguised blessings… (an update)

9 Comments

Today is a new day and I realize that in spite of it all I am OK. I am thankful for all I have. I am thankful that I do not have to allow abuse in my life any more. That even though I have felt helpless in the past, that does not mean I am helpless or that the situation is helpless. There are silver linings even in the darkest of clouds, and that many terrible things when re-assessed are really just blessings in disguise.

Why must blessings so often come in disguise? Why do we have to peel back the layers of stinking garbage in order to find the precious gift that is hidden deep inside?

So sometime late lastnite or early this morning my ex sent the outstanding support payment. I’m just sad that he had to play his games first. He had perform his sadistic, abusive little ritual. But you know what it is good, because he has cut the cord this time. I do not have to communicate with him. He created his rules and I am sticking to them. He doesn’t realize it works both ways. He has said that I am not welcome to text him, email only for contact. I’m good with that. This will now ring true for phone calls as well. (ha! ring true! the pun was not intentional…)

I am still going to push ahead and get this over and done with. I will be divorced before I hit the 6 year mark! Why have I waited 5 1/2 years to bury the carcass? I suppose that is the silver-lining on this dark miserable cloud… it has lit a fire in my belly. I have to finish it, make a clean break. It’s the only way I can truly move ahead. I no longer want to lug an old, ugly, stinky dead body around with me. Besides it makes for poor company. I think that I shall cremate it and bury the ashes. And I will pack up all the the garbage that goes with it and burn that too.

I realized today that if I had experienced the day I had yesterday say 2 years ago I would have had a complete meltdown, that likely would have lasted days. Now I shake it off my shoulders like spring rain. I am growing, evolving, maturing and healing. It has been SLOW. But sometimes slow is what we need in order for proper healing. When a wound heals over without being cleaned it gets infected and the only way to fix it is by re-opening it and cleaning out the infection. That is painful and tedious (and gross). But if you take the time to properly clean out the wound before it heals over then you can avoid infection. I am hoping that, that is what I have done here by going slow. That I have allowed all the debris and infection to be properly cleansed, I have applied healing balms and now I can close the wound up and let it mend.

Yes, It is time.

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Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

9 thoughts on “A new day brings silver-linings and disguised blessings… (an update)

  1. In my humble experience, what also contributes to ‘healing’ is a change in perspective and that seems evident between this post and the last one. It certainly does sound like it’s time for YOU… Here’s to the year of freedom!

    Liked by 1 person

    • My hope and prayer is that 2015 IS the year of freedom, for both myself and for you Cat. I know you are on the road, you will find it if you keep searching. I think that is the hard part, you know, to keep searching. But we are strong and we will persevere and remain persistent, because the final goal is worth it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. A little fire in the belly can be a beautiful thing. Good for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. yay, πŸ™‚ yes go through with it, be free! Be strong Andrea.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am glad he did what he’s supposed to do in terms of responsibility, and I am glad you now know you are strong enough to cut all ties.

    Believe it or not, many people remain married, on paper, to an ex for 10+ years, or until they die. I understand why. It’s not so much about being “divorced” as it is about trying to remain civil for the children, etc. Legally, this is for you, not him. You need this break. You absolutely do NOT deserve to deal with some twisted psychopath who thinks that withholding funds or assuming things can go back to the way they once were is acceptable. 2015, the year to rid yourself of negative baggage. Off with his head! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bahaha! “Off with his head!” & I think I shall “paint the roses red!”
      Yes I do think part of has been about civility for the children. And part of it has been financial, sadly divorce is not cheap. But at this point I’m not sure I care.We can live off soup and crackers and toast, I just need to get it over and done with.

      Here’s to 2015, the year of freedom! πŸ˜€

      Like

      • There’s only so much civility you should have to adhere to with a person like that.

        Just as marriage isn’t cheap, neither is divorce. I think it will bring you a sense of closure and peace that you need. Things will work themselves out.

        Liked by 1 person

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