myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

Creativity, boundaries and my left brain – right brain struggles…

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I have not written an official post in over a month. Why? I can’t really say. It’s not for lack of wanting to. And yet I just haven’t posted. I’ve had some ideas here and there but usually by the time I get to a computer and have the opportunity to write I can’t remember what these great ideas were. I have gotten thru the busy time of year for me. 2 teenaged girl birthdays in a span of 11 days and Thanksgiving weekend nestled in with them. But I don’t think that is the problem either, hectic maybe but not the problem. I would love to say that I have not written because I have been far too busy in the throws of love, enraptured in some glorious affair with a man who adores me and spoils me rotten, but alas that is but a mere fantasy… sigh. Truthfully I have just been unmotivated, and perhaps a bit blah. I do not want to use this place as a journal, or as a place to ‘bitch n moan’. This blog was created as a means to express my creativity, and for expressing my opinions and ideas.

It is not only my writing that has taken a back seat lately either, I have not been reading, drawing, colouring, singing, cooking/baking nothing creative I’m afraid. So yesterday I sat myself down and spent roughly 30 minutes playing with clay. I made an abstract bunny, base don something I saw on pinterest, and a calla lily (which my daughter informed me looked very phallic – my response of course was to be very mature and call her a perv). I have determined that once the clay is dry I will paint/colour them. I really need to commit to doing something creative each week, for my own sanity. One guaranteed thing a week is not a far stretch, it’s doable, and I believe it has the potential to grow from there once a pattern is set.

In all honesty I have been doing things to appease my more logical side, I have been acting like a left brainer. Doing Sudukos, and playing various versions of solitaire, and puzzle challenges. It’s like my brain has been needing exercise. I am working on things that are hard for me. Things that need discipline and logical clear thought. I have written about my need for boundaries before, and at the time was all hyped up and emotional about how I would be practicing expressing my true feelings and actually doing something about boundaries, but alas it was that creative emotional right brained bullshit that I get so ensared in, and then it withered, as it always does, and I was left with a mess that I hid under the rug rather than cleaning up. I have realized that this is my pattern, my very unhealthy and unproductive pattern. I need to stop being so damned nice because in reality it isn’t nice at all, it’s just being a wimpy weiner and an asshole. I am robbing myself of peace – which ripples to the kids and into other areas of my life. And it is not being true to how I am really feeling, which in turn is stringing people along with false impressions of what is going on.

I have my fingers crossed that I can exercise some discipline, buckle down and do what I need to do on a continuous and consistent level. It will be hard at first, but I do know that it will be worth it and effect other areas of my life positively.

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Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

6 thoughts on “Creativity, boundaries and my left brain – right brain struggles…

  1. serious fun
    ~
    as an adult
    it takes courage
    to play
    for the sake
    of play
    ~
    be kind to yourself
    you
    are
    worth it

    Like

  2. Sorry, that comment sounds too much about me! I just wanted to say I identify with most of what you wrote. Peace!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No worries Cat, seems that in many ways we are kindred spirits. And yet in other ways miles apart. But these are the things that make life interesting, right?

      I agree I may be a bit hard on myself, but I also know if I am not the wind will falter and leave my sails and I will not keep moving but instead allow myself to drift aimlessly. I am learning that my ‘reasons’ for not setting boundaries are completely invalid, and are just excuses because I know it will be rough road. But I also know it will be worth it and I will secretly be kicking myself for not doing it… aaahhh yes catch 22 I am hard on myself either way! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, I did wonder why you’re not posting often. I’m not sure what kind of blog I have. I didn’t set out to write about anything in particular, but more about what comes up in that moment and, currently, that’s all about therapy. There’s something about writing that evens things out in my head.

    I also know a lot about mess under carpet and the self discipline isn’t my strong point. Come to think of it, I’m not too good at creating boundaries either. While I appreciate your need to knuckle down and get some things in order, it does sound like you are being a little hard on yourself

    Liked by 1 person

  4. A lot of people struggle with being too nice. I’ve yet to run into that problem, but people always assume it of me.

    I think you should do what makes you happy, creative and otherwise. I’m right-brained through and through, but just because a person work with the logical aspect of things does not mean a right-brained person isn’t intelligent and knowledgeable. I just know I’d die a slow death without a constant creative outlet.

    Hope you’re well. 🙂

    Like

    • I love being creative and can go back through my life and pinpoint the troubled times as they are the times when the creativity wasn’t flowing. I am primarily right brained, but have the ability to be quite left brained when necessary. (I did a test and came up 67% RB and 33% LB- my two girls that at home still both came up nearly 50/50, leaning ever so slightly to the RB side).

      And yes I should do what makes me happy, but I find that I am so very non confrontational that I get manipulated – if I allow it. Hence the need for those pesky boundaries…

      Hope you are well also 🙂

      Like

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