myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

Day 85 – Now what? some random thoughts…

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So much going on, and yet so much of the same old, same old. Today my eldest is 24! I cannot get my brain around that. I still remember her as a chatty little 2 year old who never stopped making noise, if she wasn’t talking she was singing and dancing (or asleep). She used to run around flapping her arms screaming “fatty free! fatty free!” Translation: “Fly be free!”, as when she would overwhelm me with too many “why?” questions I would reply “fly be free little bird”. Man she was cute.

Now she is a strong vibrant young woman, a mother and a wife. She has her whole life in front of her and there is so much I want to tell her, yet I know she needs to learn much of it her on her own; have her own experiences, learn her own life lessons. She is capable and smart and her only limitations are those she puts on herself.

Hmmm what else? Oh yes I did not get to go clothes shopping on the weekend. But we did have a nice afternoon visit and birthday dinner for my sweet girl. And I am still excited for the play this coming Saturday. But anxious about the drive into Vancouver. Also I am contemplating going to Victoria to visit with a friend and to take 14 to the Royal BC Museum and Beacon Hill Park and maybe the Imax theatre. My only obstacle at the moment is finding the cash to do it. But 14 is going to visit the museum before this summer is over.

On another note my bestie came for a brief visit yesterday – we squeezed in a quick lunch – and is on her way back home. In roughly one months time she will be headed across Canada to relocate her family in Nova Scotia. This is bitter sweet. I am so happy for her and excited for the adventure ahead, and for all the opportunities that are waiting. Yet I am sad to see her go, and know that yesterday’s lunch may be the last time I see her for quite some time.

There are just so many opportunities out there and I am tired of being bored and wishing from afar to experience them. I am tired of money being such a freaking obstacle in my life. Paycheck to paycheck sucks, and it seems that on paper everything budgets fine, but in real life… well… not so much. I have to change my habits and start making things work. What are my excuses other than just that – excuses? And where do my excuses come from? They are rooted in both fear and laziness. I don’t want to be 70+ years old sitting around wishing “if only”. I want to be looking through photo albums (do people still have those?) with grand children and great grand children showing them all the cool places I’ve seen and telling them about the amazing places and people I’ve met and things that I’ve experienced. I want to be able to inspire them to go out into the big old world and achieve and do because of what I’ve done rather than because they see my sorrow and regret and decide they don’t want that for themselves.

scary yet exciting

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Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

2 thoughts on “Day 85 – Now what? some random thoughts…

  1. Fear of making the wrong decision paralyzes me. I hate it, but it’s who I am. My bathroom needs to be remodeled, and I am literally making myself tear it apart one piece per day.

    As for those not-so-little-anymore ones. My kids and their neighbor friends used to run through the house playing follow the leader, but everyone who wanted to be a leader would call out “I’m a leader! I’m a leader!” And my youngest, who was the youngest of all of them, and consequently the slowest, would run behind singing, “I’m a wiener! I’m a wiener!”

    Your story reminded me. 🙂 Thanks for that!

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    • Aren’t kids fantastic?! I love those goofy little things they do. 🙂

      I am learning that I just need to go for it and if I make a mistake, who cares? Is it really so bad? (I know sometimes yes it is, but I weigh those decisions a little harder). But it can be so hard sometimes. I can tend to way over analyze, and then wonder why I get nothing done… :/

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