This has been on my mind a lot the last few days. What? Yes I am saying sex has been on my mind – a lot lately, but more so has been the issue that people don’t, won’t and can’t seem to talk about it.
My bloggy friend Merbear, you can visit her over at Knocked over by a Feather, has written many little quips about sex and other related ‘no-no’s’ under the category of ‘Taboo Topics’ and apparently she received some flack for her latest taboo, oral sex. I think it’s crazy. She is always most usually tactful and puts a fun humorous spin on it to relieve the heavy of speaking about naughty bits and the things people do with them .
Personally I think that if we were to be honest, perfectly honest, and if we were to share the thoughts that swirl around in our heads, most of us would shock those around us. How can people get in a tither over some-one mentioning things that they have most likely done plenty of times before, or even worse – fantasized about.
It seems that people (primarily North American, White Anglo Saxon/European descendants, who are of course generally the Christian middle class) have a bee in their bonnet when it comes to being honest about sex. Most of these same prudish individuals do partake in actual sexual behaviour. They must – they are married with children.
I look at other cultures where expressing yourself sexually is normal and acceptable, and wonder what’s wrong with us. India has the Kama Sutra – basically considered the ‘bible’ of sexual expression and position. Or Japan which has sex museums and the Kanamara Matsuri: The Penis Festival (literally Festival of the Steel Phallus) with penis shaped carvings, popsicles, key chains, pipes, candles, you name it, all for sale during the festival; they even have parades in honour of the manly phallus.
So why are we so uptight? Maybe we could should all go back to sleeping in separate beds fully clothed and meet each Wednesday evening for a quick romp, unless of course we have a headache, just to keep the marriage valid. I kid, yet in all honesty I have a hard time with expressing myself sexually and I don’t get why. I never used to. Now I make the entire room feel awkward if a make-out scene happens in a PG13 rated movie. What happened to the free spirit I once was? That seems so long ago now it feels like her life is built on some-one else’s memories.
OK I am going to get personal here; something I have a hard time with. Most of my readers know as I have previously shared about my trust issues that I do not like to share the deep intimate stuff, so I am going out on a limb and taking a chance. I have a gentleman friend that I have known for a long time. He and I connect ever now and then but mostly we text, and occasionally sext. He is one of the most forward and up front people I have ever met. If he’s thinking it he tells me. He makes me blush – often. I on the other hand am just a wee bit more reserved and pensive when it comes to sharing my dirty little secrets and private thoughts (you can read the word private in more than one context there). Anyways I am learning to take it in stride and actually find it kind of refreshing. There are no games, no guessing just honesty – frank, up front, honesty. (I must admit there have been a few moments where I nearly sprayed coffee out my nose as I have read a message coming in, but…)
But truthfully A part of me wants the freedom to be able to express myself like that. To know that it is safe to just say whatever I am feeling, thinking, wanting etc. And yet a part of me is, well, mortified at the mere thought. It’s those nasty trust issues again. It’s the fear that my honesty will later be used against me, used to shame and manipulate me. Or maybe that a thought will now be forced – “well you did think it, say it, express it, or imply it” or even harder – “you tried it once so…”. I know I can trust this person, yet a part of me is so protective, so secretive and guarded; it is just so hard to let go.
So you know, let’s talk about sex… or, uummmm, maybe not….
myspokenheart 
June 8, 2014 at 7:45 am
The only reason I don’t write about such “taboo” is that my KIDS read this stuff! I’ve thought about going under some alias and writing some of the the things that are REALLY in my head, but with all the social medias and how they are connected, I figure somehow the connection will be made. Or maybe I will accidentally post it on the wrong blog. Or accidentally copy it to my Facebook page!
You have definitely sparked an idea in my head though. Maybe a post somewhat like yours, saying why I don’t write about sex would warm me up to writing about it. The world could use some advice from the over-50 crowd, you know?
I don’t mind my kids knowing I am a sexual being, but they don’t need to know the specifics. I am more likely to post something daring in someone’s comments, because I’m pretty sure they don’t surf around reading the same blogs that I do. That being said . . . I LOVE sexting. Definitely can relate to the coffee-out-the-nose thing . . .
My mother once told an off-color sexual joke at the Christmas table, and my son, probably 10 years old or so said, “GRAMMA!” Her reply? “What? You think your grampa and I never did it?”
What a lady she was!
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June 8, 2014 at 6:16 pm
Oh yes I hear you on the my kids may read this point. I do not believe that an of my kids read my blog routinely, if at all. But they know I have it and there are some things I just don’t want to share with them, I mean they are my kids ya know. They know that sex is part of adult life, but I have been out of the game for 5 years now and oddly enough it is the older 2 that seem to have more of a problem with the idea that not only does mom want to date, but sex would be nice. They seem to have this idea that I am just mom… weird.
I too have contemplated starting a second blog to discuss and explore topics that may not sit well here. Maybe we should put our heads together on that? Idk?
I am learning to love sexting but am afraid I still have awkward moments and am not always comfortable in that territory.
Your mother sounds like she was an awesome lady!
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June 13, 2014 at 7:51 pm
I am very open to putting our heads together on that.
I guess being uncomfortable on the other end of a text is what is exciting about it. I mean, face to face you are liable to say something dull or regretful. But I can let all the reaction and blushing go away before I can respond to a text in some witty fashion! LOL!
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June 16, 2014 at 2:36 pm
Jean we should maybe email to see if we can come up with any brilliant ideas for a new sexy blog… I’m really feeling that it could go somewhere. 😀
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June 22, 2014 at 1:54 pm
😀 Absolutely. Sorry for the delayed response!
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June 23, 2014 at 12:00 pm
Ok I will email you in the next few days… 🙂 this could be so fun…
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June 23, 2014 at 5:24 pm
🙂
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June 7, 2014 at 3:50 pm
This is a very honest, excellent post! I don’t think that it’s at all odd to feel suppressed about sex if you have trust issues going on, and I find that N. American culture tends to foster this notion. Do what you’re comfortable with and above all, enjoy your relationship – he sounds like he’s fun! 🙂
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June 8, 2014 at 6:02 pm
Thank-you Hunny. I never expected the support I am getting for this post; and I am so very grateful :). Oh and he is fun, I am not sure where it will go but I am enjoying it for now and I believe regardless whether it’s a summer fling or something with a bit of permanence he is very good for me.
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June 7, 2014 at 11:12 am
Sext away to your heart’s content! All we have to worry about is the NSA outing us! I’m only half joking about that. But maybe if more of us are open and upfront about what is, after all, one of the most basic animal needs then others will have the courage to acknowledge that truth and not be ashamed of speaking.
I’ve never been a prude in the bedroom and I’m comfortable with sex talk with many people but I did initially shy away from any talk of sex on my blog until a few months ago when I thought how ridiculous it was that we’re all doing it in many different ways (some more imaginative than others, perhaps!) but keeping that one area a taboo topic.
I admire honesty and truth and value them so highly that it makes a nonsense of blogging and being me if I avoid an essential part of who I am.
The doors are open as far as I am concerned and as long as no one is hurt in the process of what is between consenting adults then it may be long past time we put this particular bogeyman to rest. Who needs the hypocrisy? No one is forced to read. But some may benefit in what can be shared in understanding better what makes us all tick.
I’m glad you supported Mer in this way. It supports us all. Thank you.x
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June 8, 2014 at 6:08 pm
I think Mer supported me much more than I supported her, but thank you. I never considered myself a prude but I have realized that somewhere along the line it happened. I am not as prudish as many but compared to who I used to be and who I want to be, yes I am a prude.
Sexting and so called “dirty talk” is not something I am overly comfortable with yet it only makes sense that if I want my lover to understand my needs and be able to fulfill them then I should be able to express what they are. I am getting much more relaxed yet I still have my moments. The big thing is boundaries and finding the way to lay them out without ruining the fun. After walking the path I have there are just a few things that I find to be complete and utter turn offs, and usually I don’t discover them until “bam!” there they are in the heat of the moment. So I take note that way I can talk about it later.
I am so thankful for your input and for your support. Thank-you 🙂
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June 6, 2014 at 7:20 pm
love this honest post. i, too, am realizing how repressed and constricted my relationship with sex is and where that’s been supported culturally/socially. as i imagine myself more comfortable with my sexuality, my goal is to be able to write openly about sexual issues on my blog…i’ll get there! thanks for your courage and inspiration.
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June 7, 2014 at 1:17 am
Thank-you Rae. It’s hard learning to be comfortable in my own skin, on my own terms, with all things included – even sex, especially sex. But I am getting there and so I know you can too. 🙂
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June 6, 2014 at 4:43 pm
What is the reason that we think that thoughts about sex, just thoughts, make us evil, different, less than! This puritan b.s. is harmful to our true self! Sex is from the Ggods if anything is.
We are here to reproduce. I say it is our most dominant sense, over survival. Arent we supposed to think about it, if it is our most dominant sense?
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June 6, 2014 at 6:22 pm
I don’t really know why sex has become taboo. I know that my mother did not raise me that way even though she definitely was herself. I really think part of it is what we learn/are exposed to in our own relationships. When we are shamed by upbringing, past experience, etc I suppose our vision is tainted and only we can choose to break the cycle and find freedom.
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June 6, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Mer, I never read that post I don’t think, but I think both of you should be very proud to be honest about something natural to most humans. Loved this post.
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June 6, 2014 at 6:19 pm
thank-you 🙂
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June 6, 2014 at 4:15 pm
I am so proud of you for talking about this. I am also pleased that you think I’ve put a humorous, fun spin on the big taboo no no’s. 🙂
You are not alone, I bet if I actually told people what I really thought about sex, they would be shocked. I actually do have a fetish or two. LOL
I hope you don’t mind that I reblogged…
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June 6, 2014 at 6:19 pm
Thanks for the reblog and for having the courage to post the posts you do. I have sat by thinking I should write about that, and not, for a long time. (This refers to sex posts, ‘the ex’ posts, surviving abuse posts, etc…) you are an awesome and inspiring woman!
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June 7, 2014 at 3:36 pm
Thanks Andrea….that means so much to me, you have no idea. 🙂 x
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June 6, 2014 at 4:12 pm
Reblogged this on Knocked over by a feather and commented:
Another post inspired by oral sex, by my longtime bloggy friend Andrea over at myspokenheart.
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