So I find myself staring at the calendar realizing it is November 1st and all I can think is “where has this year gone?” This past month I have survived the birthdays, with Canadian Thanksgiving wedged in between them, and Halloween. Of course there is still more to come, birthdays this month, and the ‘C’ word coming up in December. A co-worker really put it into perspective for me the other day when she mentioned off the cuff that we had just over 6 weeks till Christmas Holidays. I know she was just being nice and making small talk but I heard something more along the lines of “&# @!*’# $%&!!” just a long string of cussing. Christmas! really?!?! Wow! Excuse me while I stress puke into my garbage bin.
So back to November. This year I have decided that I will not be doing Nanowrimo, I had wanted to but I know I am not in the frame of mind for such an endeavour and I think that setting myself up for that kind of disappointment, you know that overwhelming and prevailing sense of defeat and failure that is inevitable because you decided all half-assed at the last minute to attempt something that needs an actual commitment, yea that, well it’s not beneficial or healthy and I just don’t need that kind of self abuse, thank-you very much. Anyways if I already know that I am not going to be able to fully commit to the project then I might as well just say NO. I am hoping that I will try it again next year though. I think that right now I have to get back to writing my blog on a more consistent level. And once I am back to a routine of sorts I will be feel like I am actually achieving something and perhaps that will make me feel just a wee bit happier. Because that feeling, the one of accomplishment, is one that is beneficial and healthy, it just kind of lifts you up.
Of course as I am writing this I get an email notification, from… duh, duh, duh – Nanowrimo!!! it’s OK though, I want to keep my account with them active so I don’t have to make a new one, I just thought the timing was ironic.
I think the point I am getting at here is that sometimes we – I – put way too much pressure on ourselves – myself – to do this or that, when we know we are not in the frame of mind, or have already got a way too crazy schedule, etc, to accomplish whatever this or that was, and then we beat ourselves up for failing. We need – I need – to learn to say no… even to ourselves, especially to ourselves. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we choose to set ourselves up for the fall? Why is it easier to let ourselves down than to stand on what we know? I am not saying commit to nothing and that way you can’t fail – that to me is the ultimate failure. But what I am saying is stop biting off more than we can chew, and be realistic and truly committed to the things we choose to do. One well done completed project that we can be proud of sure beats 10 half-assed unfinished, resented projects that leave us wallowing in the mire of self pity. So start saying NO, unless of course we really want it and know we can and will commit to it and see it thru to the end. It’s called counting the cost. I think this is my new commitment to myself.
so let me leave with this thought today…
And now that you don’t have to be perfect,
you can be good.