musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

Bad boys, bad boys… what ‘cha gonna do?


Hhhhmmmm Love, funny thing love is isn’t it?

OK this post is actually about attraction but for most of us that is where love begins, right? The other nite my youngest daughter asked me an interesting question about attraction and after much thought I have come to a few perplexing, frustrating and very eye-opening conclusions… “So what did she ask you?” I hear you wondering… quite simple… we were discussing crushes, who is cute, who is funny, this sort of stuff (this is very normal thing to be discussing at random with a teenaged daughter – just saying for those who are not aware of this fact). Anyways near the end of our discussion she asked me:

“What fictional character (book/movie/TV) are you attracted to or could you fall for – I’m not talking about looks but about who they are?”

So as I mentioned in my last post I have begun watching Sherlock… I am actually quite enthralled with the program… but that isn’t what this post is about… See I do not think Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock) is a good looking guy… It’s just me personally but I actually find him odd looking, he has a long face with angular features, a pronounced mouth, larger nose, thick brows, appears some what lanky… but in his favour he has a pleasant voice and amazing blue-green eyes – I have even noticed that from some angles they are different colours with one appearing more blue while the other is more green… Anyways my point is I am not physically attracted to him… but by the time I reached the end of the 4th episode (season 2, ep 1) I had found myself intrigued by his character… I am enamoured with ‘Sherlock’… This is disturbing… actually this is very disturbing…

Who is Sherlock? He is a self professed high functioning sociopath, he is extremely intelligent, he is arrogant, emotionally void (shut off and unavailable), obstinate, and to put it bluntly an asshole… He is also extremely vulnerable, and a massive challenge… hence the intrigue…

The original bad boy, James Dean...

The original bad boy, James Dean…

When I noticed this I started analyzing and trying to figure out other fictional characters that intrigued me based on character alone and not looks… Thor,Β  Ironman/Tony Stark, Captain Jack Sparrow (OK I think the first three are very attractive but…), Wolverine, James T Kirk, even the Mariner in Water World… The Mariner is a good one to look at (I do not find Kevin Costner attractive – but I like a lot of the roles he has played) So who is his character in that movie? Another emotionally detached, yet vulnerable ‘bad ass’ – The strong silent type, but not in the stereo typical hot, all muscle, no brain sense of it… the scene that did me in was when he finally connects with the female lead and she asks why when she offered herself to him earlier he said no and he very innocently and vulnerably replied “You didn’t want me, not really” BAM! my heart is in your hands… and this pattern echoes over and over again in both the imagined and the real world…

First thought that comes to mind… SHIT!
Second thought… good thing I am single, I have definitely got some stuff to work out!

Now I am well aware of the fact that I have suffered from bad boy syndrome for pretty much my whole life… I see this habit as far back as elementary school (grade school for those non-Canadians out there) I have always gone for the bad boy – the oh so very ‘misunderstood’, has so much ‘potential’, I can fix him with love and show him who he can really be bad boy… (Probably why I love musicians/artists so much…) Basically I am self destructive, I tend to be some what stupid in the heart department, and I set myself up for disaster.

I used to have this thing I would say whenever a break up was pending that coined it all too well…

“when I catch myself saying ‘He’s a nice guy but…’ it’s time to get rid of him”

REALLY!?!?!? Who is this stupid girl? Who would say such a thing? What is wrong with nice guys? Nice guys do not finish last, nice guys like nice girls and treat them… well… NICELY! Holy shit what a revelation! I don’t know about you but being treated nicely is rather desirable… whether that is in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even by family members and co-workers… So why would any one intentionally date a person who treats them like crap? I have no idea. But some of us find ourselves habitually in these relationships… some of us never grow up…

Do I really think I am stupid? NO… Do I think I have some issue that need to be figured out… Absolutely! I am figuring that just maybe 4 years of being single has helped me to see a wee bit clearer and to figure a few things out about myself, what I want, and what direction I want to go in. I am finally accepting what I don’t want, that’s for sure.

They say seek and you shall find. I obviously need to take a good look at what I have been seeking, and try to figure out why I was seeking that. I’ve known for a long time I want a nice guy, so why did I keep looking at the bad ones? Now that I have recognized and admitted my ‘problem’ I need to take steps to fix it.Β  For my own mental and emotional health, as well as for my children’s. I want them to be in a healthy environment and I want to set a good example for them. I want my son to see what a strong and emotionally secure and healthy man looks like, acts like. I want my daughters to desire such a man for themselves. I want them to see what a healthy relationship looks like so they might be able to find it for themselves one day.

there is something really sexy about a smart bad boy... James Dean is rocking those glasses and that poetry book...

there is something really sexy about a smart bad boy… James Dean is rocking those glasses and that poetry book…


Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

28 thoughts on “Bad boys, bad boys… what ‘cha gonna do?

  1. Pingback: Confessions of a Bad Boy | Hipster Racist

  2. Love your fresh & frank style and identify with lots of what you say… bad boy syndrome.. nice is boring… some of us never grow up… Ha ha, that’s me πŸ™‚ Well, at 52 I AM finally growing up but I’m still attracted to men with a rascal grin and mischief in their eyes … πŸ˜‰


  3. I was a bad boy once, and looking back, you are right, woman flock to you like a a fly to a jobby.
    I don’t think you need to explore your ways, sometimes it happens, sometimes not, but it will one day.

    And no mention of Bryan Adams?
    ok, I would do Bryan.
    There I said it πŸ™‚

    Good blog Mrs..


  4. A great post – had some issues with that myself, then got mixed up with a narcissist, then found a wonderful “nice” guy. It does take some work to figure out how to not fall into the same hole in the sidewalk again, but it seems to me that you’re pretty much there, though. Self-recognition and all that. πŸ™‚


  5. Love love LOVE this post. I have a mini crush on Benedict Cumberbatch. And yes, I almost always want to slap Sherlock.


    • Thanks Beautiful! and I have found he (Benedict Cumberbatch – what a terrible name, poor guy) grows on you…

      Sherlock: punch me in the face…
      Watson: what?
      Sherlock: I SAID PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!
      Watson: I always hear ‘punch me in the face’ when you’re speaking but usually it’s subtext…

      the season 2 finale had me in tears!!! I love the way Sherlock struggles to understand emotion… yet finds it in himself to make the ultimate sacrifice for those he realizes he loves πŸ™‚


  6. *zips my mouth on bad boys in my life*

    Instead … just gives you a hug.


  7. Bad boys are always the most intriguing. I’ve had one of each, but still think of that β€œbad boy” all these years later.


  8. I’ll admit it, I’m attracted to bad boys. There’s definitely something sexy about guys who dance with the devil in the pale moon light. Not boys who are bad to me, but boys who would be bad news to anybody who gives me any trouble. They make me feel safe, and they’re exciting. I guess I feel like I’ve been a “good girl” all my life and it would be nice to break out now and then. Bad boys are risk-takers. They’re full of surprises. They’re never boring. But as soon as he starts tearing me down, I’d let that wild stallion free. I’m not into jerks.


    • and for me you hit the nail… “but as soon as he starts tearing me down, I’d let that wild stallion free” They are all so charming in the beginning.. mix that with a sense of danger and I’m a ball of jelly… I love a challenge… but like you I am so not into jerks… but sometimes the jerk shows up down the line when you are already emotionally invested!!


  9. I see what you are saying. In my ‘youth’ ok it was a while back, I was also attracted to the bad boys, they had looks to match so I was doubly smitten, as I grew out of that phase and reached the looks aren’t important, that is when I was attracted to the nice ones. Hell this probably makes no sense what so ever. My daughter # 2 has ALWAYS gone for the bad boys, or not so much bad – but not mainstream. She prefers the tattoo types, the earrings etc and anyone who appears – normal and nice usually doesn’t get a look in.
    I don’t think you have mental issues to have been attracted to this type of male – everyone of us is different, we are attracted to who we are attracted to and no amount of people telling you he’s a ‘bad boy’ would change your mind at the time anyway. If you are happy and content to meet a nice guy, then go for it. Ps – You don;t have a problem. I endeth the lesson πŸ™‚ xx


    • Hey Mum… yea I prefer them to have the looks to go with… I also have learned that the ‘bad boy’ can come in any skin… he can wear 3 piece suits and work as a CEO… it’s all in the attitude, and that attitude creates hostile relationships… not as in abusive but as in arrogance and they are better than – most of them hide it well at first too… they like to play games, and I have no desire to get sucked into a manipulative control game… did it for too long…


  10. Great post! I can be a Bad Boy.
    Raaar. Grrr.
    Nope, that’s not me after all πŸ™‚


  11. Kevin Costner isn’t too bad for an old guy. πŸ™‚ Great post.


    • I recognize that a lot of the ladies really like Mr. Costner… and he has a certain charm I just don’t personally think he is hot… attractive sure, hot no… My other daughter and I actually had a chat about this the other day – she really didn’t understand that just because I do not personally find a guy attractive that doesn’t mean that I do not recognize that he is still good looking/attractive to others… I think being attractive goes way beyond just what they look like… but that is likely another blog post for another day… πŸ™‚


  12. Exceptionally gifted actor! Bravo to an excellent Blog!


  13. James dean was exceptionally gifted Actor .I was in my teens when he died.Great post.jalal


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