musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

“Hey! No fair!… “


Hey! No fair!…

We have uttered these words hundreds of times in our lives. Every parent has heard it yelled out in every park, sports event, and livingroom… We have thought it when looking at the way others have treated us, the way others have been treated, perhaps even the way we have treated ourselves. We seem to have this idea that if circumstances aren’t how we think they should be they are ‘unfair’.

Come on let’s face it relationships are unfair, love is unfair, school is unfair, work is unfair, even dessert is unfair! (his piece is bigger than mine! or what do you mean you are out of my favourite pie?) All parents know the seating arrangement in the back of the car is unfair (this especially holds true for the youngest child that always get stuck with the middle seat) Everything is just plain unfair!

But is it really? Is everything really unfair? Is life unfair?

That is the question… seriously THE question…

…but what is the answer? How can we know that? How do we touch that? How do we do that question justice? How can we even come close to providing an adequate answer to that? HOW?!?!?!

Every one has a story, everyone has experienced hurt, everyone knows rejection, fear, pain, sadness… But does this mean life is actually unfair? What is unfair? What does the term ‘unfair’ mean? Literally what does it mean?

un·fair  /ˌənˈfe(ə)r/
1. Not based on or behaving according to the principles of equality and justice.
2. Unkind, inconsiderate, or unreasonable: “you’re unfair to criticize like that when she’s never done you any harm”.

Synonyms: unjust – inequitable – wrongful – dishonest – iniquitous

Personally I did not find that helpful… it raises too many other questions, like who defines equality and justice? Who gets to decide the basis of unfair? Do we base fairness on experience? Would that be collective experience or personal experience? Is it decided by law makers and rulers? Do we each come up with our personal definition? Can it be an individual decision? Does it vary from person to person? Is it a question of religious belief? How do we come to terms with what is and isn’t appropriately fair, and can we impose our ideal of said fairness upon others?

I understand that both life and people can appear to be cruel for no reason. Ask the victims of violent crime if life is fair. Ask the rape survivor. Ask the child whose parent was taken away by illness. Ask the parent who has lost a child. Ask anyone suffering from illness. And it seems to me that fairness is not limited to the human realm. Tell the baby antelope as the lion takes it down that life is fair. Tell the mother antelope. Tell the herd. Life can seem brutally unfair. Yet fairness gets all twisted up when we start truly analyzing it. Now reverse the scenario, tell the lion when they’ve missed and they have to go another nite without food about what is fair. Tell the cubs, tell the pride. Perspective is a powerful thing. But does this unfairness diminish life’s goodness? Does it counter the beauty in the world? Do we choose to let it tarnish the heart?

And perhaps that is the real question after all… Perhaps it isn’t about fairness… Perhaps it is about our perspective, about what we choose to hold in our hearts and how we let these experiences shape and mould us. We can become downtrodden, beaten up and just give in to despair. Or we can rise up, learn, be strengthened, and move forward. It’s hard. Sometimes giving in can seem so inviting. But not really. Giving in can’t be a viable choice. Defeat is not an option. We must live life vicariously, with tenacity… be vibrant. Let your light shine in the face of the opressive darkness.

The unfairness of life can overcome you, or you can overcome the unfairness of life…

So shout it to mountain tops “Life might be unfair, but it’s still good!”


Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

23 thoughts on ““Hey! No fair!… “

  1. Simple is where the profound lives…love is love, work is work, sleep is sleep. Nicely framed. I appreciate your take on positivity without the sugar-coated varnish. It’s good to be following your work. Until then, Dan


  2. PS: I had time to REALLY read this and digest it, 4am can’t sleep..
    Reason for 2 answers



  3. Great Blog!!
    We will all have differing answers, for me…

    Life is just life, we call things “Thing”
    Fun, Hurt, Pain, Good, enjoyment, and unfair and a million more things.
    In the end life is unfair, but I do see where you are coming from.
    How do we define “Unfair”
    Sometimes I see a Football player earn £100,00 a WEEK, and a Surgeon who saved lives get £80,000 a YEAR. That is unfair.
    It is a hard one to nail, in terms of “What is unfair”

    About a month ago, I had a friend on here I loved to bits as a friend, and we had to stop being friends. It hurt me, this was unfair.
    On both of us and I always hope the person is doing ok and hope they are happy, but I did feel “This is unfair”

    I got Football taken from me “Unfair” Due to my pain
    I lost £100 last month, Unfair or bad luck? lol
    Sometimes I think (Just me) we can often make life unfair by our choices. That make sense?
    Thing like the smallest Kid getting the middle seat, yeah, at the time, unfair 🙂
    When my Aunt died last month I said “Unfair” In reality it was, but it was “Life”

    Maybe it is just life? I am just throwing that out there x

    Great Blog!


    • thanks again Shaun… I think I get your comment there, yes our choices do/can effect the fairness of life, not just for ourselves but I think there can be ripples that go out and affect those around us too… It’s best to try to be loving and kind, yea that’s best I think…


      • You are talking to a loving kind guy, well I hope I am, I try to be x
        The Great thing about the blog you did, as I said a few times is “You can ask 100 people the same Question and get 100 different Answers” That is the beauty of blogging, I think so anyway. The ability to do a blog means we ALL must (And trust me I am with my last one) take HARD debate back, or even just differing opinions. So all good x It was a great blog pal.. x

        And you don’t have to remind me about having to say no to someone that in turn hurts the person and makes me feel like the Devil for being a loving partner and father… You know what I mean… x

        Sometimes no matter what we do, how hard we try, we hurt people. Even if we say “I am not going to hurt, or let my words affect a person” They always will.

        And you are loving and caring, You don;t just blog about you or reply about you, I see you reply on other blogs you always take time to put your life to one side and say “Are you ok” or “I hope you are ok”

        I admire people who can do that. Because some people it is just “Me, Me, ME Every world, every time”
        I like to think I give a shit also..if I upset 1 person out 1,000 people and stay true to me and my house, then I am a good caring man.

        And I have been awake a LONG FUCKING time here, On Morphine, pain still shit. But I still say I hope you are well, and that blog you did was outstanding pal..

        Shaun x


  4. Nods…perspective is a good thing.

    Life and fairness. We can yell and curse and scream and cry. I still do it.

    And when I calm down … tis life. Fair. Not fair. At some point there is not difference. There is life and how we decide to tackle the challenges.

    All so far have made good points on a good blog post.

    And … *hugs* … because you are grand.


    • hey I yell, scream and curse sometimes too… and usually it doesn’t help… but sometimes just releasing it makes you feel a wee bit better… and yea, tis life… fair, not fair, doesn’t really matter in the end does it? it’s just how things go, and how we choose to react…

      oh and *hugs* back cuz you too are grand!


  5. Reminds me of a quote…”We are dealt a hand of cards at birth, it is up to us how we play them”


    • oh I am in trouble then I suck at cards! lol! actually it depends on what game we’re playing, but seriously I think you are right… we are all handed what we are handed and it’s up to us to make something out of it… we can sit on the floor and complain about what we’re dealt, call miss deal till the cows come home if we like, but what we got is what we got… or we can half heatedly play what we are dealt with no real intent or interest in winning just doing what we got to to get by, or we can really try to win, make the best of what we have and hope we get the right cards along the way to complete the play… it’s all up to us… it’s a lot of responsibility this life thing…


  6. Life can certainly be unfair. Some people say I’ve had more than my share of bad things happen to me. But that’s the price we pay for all the beauty we get to experience and the wonderful things that happen to us in life. Besides, there’s always somebody worse off who handles it better than you and makes you ashamed for being a whiner. 😉


    • Thanks for sharing and I have to say I hear you on this… sometimes life is so hard, and feels so unfair, and just puts us through the freakin’ ringer…. and yet there truly are those out there who have it worse than us… as I said in a reply above we should all allow ourselves a moment, a day, whatever to have a full on pity party when things go to complete and utter shit, but the defining moment is when we say OK I wallowed for a bit and now it’s time to get up and get on with it… does that mean it doesn’t suck any more? nope, it just means it’s time to do something about it… 🙂


      • I think I’m there. I’m not made to mope around and feel sorry for myself. It may take a while, but I’m ready to start getting back into the world.


  7. Yeah is a good blog.
    I think unfair things can happen to REAL nice people.. Dawn above being one…And yourself..And more.
    It is not until you read a blog on it you do ask “is it?
    Good blog..

    ALso x
    Please accept


    • thanks for the award Shaun, I think I have stopped accepting awards though – It hasn’t been a deliberate move, it’s just at one point I got so many of them that I was spending all my time trying to figure out award posts instead of the stuff I wanted to post about, so I started putting them off and well now they have accumulated to the point of stupid….


      • lol @ accumulated to the point of stupid….
        Yeah I stopped for a while also, I don’t blame you x
        Sometimes if you let them stock up it becomes as you say “The point of stupid” 🙂

        Hope you is good..x


  8. I too used to be the queen of “not fair” – I stopped when preaching to my children not to use those words! Your Blog ot a lot into perspective. Great Blog!


    • aaahhh yes amazing how children can completely change our out look 🙂 … no one can shed light onto ‘not fair’ syndrome quite like kids… do as I say not as I do… we then realizing how horrible that is and start making adjustments…

      And thanks! 🙂


  9. I used to be the queen of “not fair!”, but I blame that on being a Libra. 😉


    • we all fall prey to the “not fairs” at some point. I am not sure where I picked the phrase up but I call it ‘navel gazing’ – you know when we are too busy looking down at our own navel crying boo-hoo, instead of doing something about it… although I have to admit every once in awhile a good full on pity party should be allowed – the key is to then pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and move forward…

      as for blaming being a Libra… I suppose you can’t help that your desire for justice runs rampant sometimes… 😉


  10. I think we lose sight of reality. I recently saw a TV piece and only got a slice of it. There was a discussion and complaining. Someone was complaining how crowded the plane was and another was complaining how slow the internet was. Then, the other person pointed out to them, “… you’re flying for crying out loud in a machine 30,000′ up” and to the other, “you’re able to communicate with someone in seconds half-way across the world.”

    It put things into perspective for me. 🙂


    • yes, sometimes perspective is everything… which side of the coin are we choosing to look at? I get that sometimes things are just simply wrong (there is no other side of the coin to look at when such things as torture, murder, rape are involved) but for the majority of things in life we have the choice to look at it from more than one angle…

      thanks for coming by and not only reading but commenting 🙂


      • You’re right about which side of the coin to look at. It could also be that my side of the coin would look totally different to me than it would to someone else. (Oh, my brain hurts.)

        So many things that factor into it.


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