Some days it seems that my heart drifts… it goes to places my brain had forgotten about a long time ago. Places my mind cannot even fathom. These places involve people, people I know and love, people I have yet to meet, romantic notions, friendships and sometimes even dreams – not the kind of dreams I experience in the wee hours of the nite while sleeping, but rather the kind that I twist my thoughts around when contemplating the future. These dreams again are sometimes about people or places, but more often than not they are about inspirations, inclinations, and fantasies. They are about the things I wish could fill up all of my time. They are the desires of my heart.
My heart… it disagrees with my mind sometimes. My mind goes to logical places. My mind looks at things like budgeting my money so the bills get paid. It likes to create menus so that I buy actual food when I go grocery shopping. Laundry, dishes, chores, going to work, planning time with kids, etc… my mind is preoccupied with the daily duties of life. My mind says stability is good. My brain says conform, blend in, do not make trouble, do not cause waves. Do what must be done to get by. Do not take chances. Do not voice opinions. Put your head down move forward, obey the rules, survive.
Oh, but my heart, my heart can’t fathom these things. My heart says NO! It says it loudly! It argues with my poor brain. When my heart throws a tantrum it is filled with an explosion colour and emotion, I become absent minded, it’s hard to concentrate on the daily duties. I can’t seem to think straight, my breathing is erratic; my head is filled with poetry and song. My senses are heightened; every sound magnified, every scent intoxicating, I become oblivious to the ordinary, and wander about with my head in the clouds. My thoughts they are cluttered as they race about in my head. It’s such a beautiful way to get lost.
My heart, it wants to taste the world; it longs to see with its own eyes what can only be dreamt about in the quiet of the nite. It wants to create. It throws caution to the wind. My heart says live on the edge, take risks, make mistakes, get messy, be creative, fly, run, be free! My heart likes to wander through meadows, hike through hidden trails, explore abandoned places and seek adventure. It sings songs whose words have long been forgotten by humanity, it paints pictures with colours that do not have names. It yearns for love that cannot be contained, craves sensuality, adventure and reckless abandon. My heart thinks it is invincible.
My brain knows differently. It understands that I am fallible, and mortal.
But, but, but… my heart cries out, it cannot bear the idea of merely existing, when it could be living… and deep down my brain wishes it could just let go, and follow the longings of my heart, my crazy, wonderful, eager heart…