musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

Focused energy, and am I being tested?


Today I am trying to focus my energy on being thankful. And I have noticed that when you make a proclamation about a mood or behaviour change a strange cosmic shift will occur in the universe. Please can some-one tell me why it is that when you try to focus your energy on some positive change it is most usually the opposite that you find yourself in the midst of? For example “Today I will focus on achieving inner peace” and everything in nature tests your inner peace that day – I mean EVERYTHING. Or you catch yourself thinking “I will be more patient with my children” this thought will immediately be followed by absolutely every annoying, hectic, rude, in-your-face, hostile behaviour your children can possibly display.

OK so where did I get this wonderful idea of being thankful? Today’s post on the blog Motivah was about being thankful for all the people she has met along the way and for the lessons learned through those meetings. Then she asked – What are you grateful for today? and I commented:

I am thankful that even though I may not have everything I want, I do have everything I need!

… well that’s when it hit me, this should be my personal mantra for the next while… like perhaps the rest of my life. Anyways, I am sick and tired of being poor. I get that I am not destitute. I understand that I am lucky and have more than so many people out there. I am thankful that I do make enough to survive and to meet my needs, but that is it. I just have a hard time some days knowing that there is no real extra – that if I indulge, spend money on doing something with the girls, ordering a pizza, going to the movies, buying some new clothes, whatever, I will feel it later on down the road. Sigh…

OK now for the test… I have one pair of jeans and oneΒ  pair of dress pants (that actually fit me) and some “comfy” yoga style pants (note the word comfy – this implies that they are not necessarily attractive/flattering). So I have declared I need new pants – preferably ones that I can get away with wearing to work. Also I am walking to and from work pretty much every day so I have been saying for awhile now that I really need to get a new pair of walking shoes. But I keep putting these 2 purchases off. I have a huge lists of “I would really like” but those are wants not needs so truthfully whatever. Anyways as it turns out today on my walk to work it was raining, no big deal it happens, right? Well I had the privilege of discovering that my rain coat is no longer waterproof! I am not sure which was wetter when I finally got to work – the inside or the outside of the coat!!! It was bad! I can laugh now… when I got to the office I wasn’t laughing – I looked like a drowned rat! And that brings me of course to the fact that I need a car – for just such days as this. But a car entails other expenses, gas, routine maintenance, insurance, etc so that means that I need more money. Are you seeing where this is heading? I said I was thankful for having everything I need and then all of a sudden this list of needs shows up in my head and starts to grow, and grow, and grow…

Truthfully however I can wait a bit longer for pants (or try losing some weight so my old ones will fit – I have lots of nice pants – I just can’t get my ass into them… no wait I can get my ass in to them I just can’t do them up… anyways waaaayyy toooo much information!!! back to the point), I do have shoes that fit, don’t have holes in them, and are still relatively comfortable, so I could wait on those too. As for the raincoat, I can always buy an umbrella – that is cheaper than a new coat – and I could take my time finding a good multipurpose one – I may even find a great sale or something. The car thing well I do actually need a car – but I have gone almost one year without one and I think a few more weeks/months won’t kill me. Actually the opposite is likely true as I am walking – this should help with weight loss and make me healthier. It’s just inconvenient at times. So when I really look at it, I guess I really do have all that I need. I think I will just smile and be thankful…


Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

47 thoughts on “Focused energy, and am I being tested?

  1. I like this post. Deep (yet, kind of playful?). I always thought this kind of stuff only happened to me πŸ™‚


  2. *gentle smile* … it is hard to do without, especially when doing without involves the kids. But you are doing a good job Andrea. A new place with them, you have helped out the elder girl for a bit, and even with the son nod nods.

    I want to say to just go and buy the shoes and pants … but I know tis easier said than done.

    One day … nods….it WILL come together for you…I am WILLING it in my head.



    • yes it is hard… but it seems as mother’s we put the kids needs first, and when we finally break and do for ourselves we feel guilty…

      I will have to go and buy but I am very budgeted till next month anyways…

      keep willing it I don’t mind πŸ™‚

      Huuugggssss xxxx


      • Nods….kids….you know what the problem is don’t you? We fed them. Now they keep coming back expecting food every day! LOL

        Seriously though … I know what you mean about feeling guilty when we buy ourselves things. You have 4 to look after … so it is harder for you (yes… 2 are out…but you never stop worrying I know *smiles*)

        Have I mentioned lately that you are someone I admire a lot? I do nod nods…a lot.


        • oh Katie… I love you …

          and why did we feed them anyways? now they will never leave, even when they are gone they keep coming back… (I don’t really mind but I have to complain it’s my job right?)

          and yea guilty over dumb things… we parents are silly…


  3. I am very much in favor of staying dry when it rains. It makes the rest of the day so much nicer if you aren’t sitting around in wet clothes or, worse, wet shoes. I also feel (unscientifically) that I fall prey to colds more when I’m wet and then cold.

    I vote for a new umbrella. And maybe a new raincoat. And holding off on pants as long as possible.

    I started bringing a change of socks and shoes on rainy days. (Why is it that no matter what I do, my feet are always wet?) And cultivating friendships with people willing to give me a lift on rainy days. (But I live in a climate where it doesn’t rain that often…)

    Making only enough to get buy is hard. It’s probably be more fun to be really and truly poor, so that you don’t care. You know you’ll be screwed in any case and you may as well spend whatever money you have as soon as it comes in. Or truly well-off. But I remember those days of scraping by as ones in which the winters were always so cold.


    • I have never been well off… and am not too sure I ever will be… and yes we get rides when we can… but it doesn’t always work… I hate being soggy and wet… but I suppose it could be worse… at least I have clothes… at least I have a home (I rent but it’s decent and I own my own furnishings) and a job… so I am content


  4. I just did a blog about mantras!! πŸ™‚


  5. When we have everything we want… life loses its excitement. When we have everything we need, we are almost happy… silly words… shoes and an umbrella, then you can twirl it all fancy like when it is wet and splash your daughter…. accidentally of course πŸ˜‰

    next time concentrate on how you do not want the winning lotto ticket…. πŸ™‚


  6. I know where you are coming from. When you reach the point where you need ‘quite a few things’ it is always hard to choose the importance and settle down and get 1, then save for the next. When needing them all at once, it is daunting, but I think perhaps what you are able to put away – put for a car – that way the shoes, the umbrella and the new yoga pants can be put on hold. If the car is not a possibility in the time frame – buy new sneakers, do your exercise on the weekends or walk to work (when it’s not raining) get that zip to do up πŸ™‚ Op Shops or ‘second hand’ stores are becoming increasingly popular – pre-loved merchandise at half the cost – worth a try? I wouldn’t buy shoes there, but coats – pants?
    We can be grateful for what we have, when we look at other countries, but we should also be the position not to feel guilty that we have that others don’t. I wish you luck hun – Smile πŸ™‚ xx


    • 2nd hand stores are life savers sometimes… been there done that numerous times… I currently have 2 matching loveseats in my living room picked them up for $20 each in near new condition when I moved here 2 years ago without any living room furniture… πŸ™‚


  7. I read your Blog and immediately focused on accepting the things I can’t change. Made me angry before letting it all go. Great Blog.


  8. Today I decided to enjoywork… and enjoy lunch with a cute guy.


  9. Good blog.
    Sometimes well all get caught up in “I have nothing” or whatever.
    The facts are we can all afford the internet, the house we are in and the food we eat.
    I do a LOT of reading up on Third World Countries and what these people have is NOTHING.

    Could the blessings all. As we are all blessed.

    Great blog x




    • I know some truly have nothing… some have no reason to open their eyes in the morning, or to take a breath, but they do… and it is heart breaking… and we are able to feel safe sitting in our homes in the “civilized” world… worrying about why we are only getting one bar on our iphone (I do not actually own an iphone but…) while there are people – real people – worrying about if they will have food for the day, if they will have a place to sleep, if they will wake up in the morning… and they feel so far away and we think immediately “Africa” yet they live in our own home towns, under bridges, in make shift shanty towns, in deserted buildings… etc… but we walk by them and think ‘gross’ or tell them to get a job because that’s funny or something…

      So yea we are blessed to have what we have, and not truly need… we have the necessities for life… the rest is cake ya know…



      • Cake, all I read was “Cake”

        You are right, 100%
        If I am in town and I see a busker, homeless person asking for money I will throw Β£5 or a few quid in. We have people here, homeless, who sell a paper called “The Big Issue” it is Β£1, I just give them the Β£1, they get 50p for every one they sell. So I do try and help these people.
        I also help several sports clubs by offering to buy equipment or training wear etc.

        Having money is one thing, what you do with it, how you act having it is another thing. It could all be gone tomorrow, so live for today realising I can”t take it with me. 5 bank accounts set up with amounts put in, my oldest son Dean got his on his 21st, he still works though.

        Be me have Β£1 or Β£10M, It doesn’t change me. I still want to be pain free and live like a normal person. All the blogs I did before this were about me. And money won’t help me.

        And yeah another bug bear, as a world we raise almost Β£2B a year for Africa, how are there still problems? Me thinks some of that money doesn’t go where it should be.



        • all you read was “cake”… wow!… *eye roll* lol…

          yes I agree… doesn’t matter what we do or don’t have… it’s all about attitude… it’s all about love… it’s about following through on our word, having integrity… these are the moral fabrics of life, of society… the truths that should govern…

          sadly it seems money, lust, greed, and power are victorious… and coming in close is disinterested complacency, self pity and blinders…

          so we do what we can and try when we can and hope that that may just be enough…


          • What? Cake? I love cake πŸ™‚

            And yeah, check my last blog and blogs like it. Corporate Greed is something I fire on about a lot. People making millions a year while us mortals have to struggle to pay to eat, keep warm and live.
            Bloggers for peace I love, as what it stands for is less late, more love (I say it often enough)
            Maybe one day we can get these rich fat cats to feck.
            TRILLIONS of made up Money gets printed by the American Federal Reserve every other week.
            If EVERYONE in the USA and UK went to withdraw all our money, 75% would get nothing. As it is just fresh air money, doesn’t exist.

            So back to cake………….


          • the topic of money and greed is too heavy and depressing for me right now… so cake it is…

            and on that delicious note, name 3 types of cake that would satisfy the craving…


          • Yeah why I said cake. We can all relate to cake. lol

            Carrot cake, Cheese Cake, Chocolate Cake..

            Didn’t even have to think πŸ™‚


          • black forest cake, carrot cake, angel food cake with berries and whipped cream….



          • I am hungry now 😦


          • haha! I don’t have cake… BUT I do have brownies with coconut creme frosting…. πŸ˜› mmmmmmm


          • Aww you and your delicious food ways 😦


          • sorry… maybe if you ask your love nicely she will bake or buy you a yummy treat?


          • it is 1:15 am, everyone is in bed.

            I do have a car


          • what are you still doing up??

            Well if your wife got you something now that would be going beyond love… (at least I think so…. don’t wake me when I’m sleeping unless you’re dying…)


          • HA HA HA HA @ don’t wake me when I’m sleeping unless you’re dying

            Andrea, you known me a few months now. I am ALWAYS up. If I ain’t up, I am sleeping. I have the sleeping habit of someone from Australia I think…

            I will sleep when I die… πŸ™‚


          • are you awake now? I am just getting ready to go to bed over here in my corner of the world…

            and laugh all you want I meant it – you only wake me if your dying… or you might die… I can be pretty cranky at 2 in the morning…

            well yes you will sleep the eternal sleep when you die… well at least physically you will….

            Goodnite Bro… hope you catch a few winks… xx


          • I am still awake.. Been playing Football Manager, listening to music, downloaded some movies, and spent all night going between 20 different websites talking rubbish πŸ™‚

            And sleep well…
            Speak soon x


  10. Today I focused my energy on staying relaxed, serene, and smiley… you can guess how that ended up!


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