musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

The Golden Rule… and the difference between desiring and deserving…


 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.   Luke 6:31 NLT

The above Bible verse is universally known as “The Golden Rule”. It’s pretty simple really; treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s also common sense. We all want to be treated with respect, love and kindness, and we all know that the best way to receive these is by giving them. So why then are some people so mean? Why are there people out there constantly pushing other people’s buttons?

love meI am not really sure why but I have been thinking about this a fair amount lately.

Anyways I realized something. People do generally treat other people the way they want to be treated… OK maybe not the way they want to be treated; it’s more like the way they feel they deserve to be treated.

Really? Yea really, because deep down inside some of us really don’t believe that we deserve to be treated kindly.

So what am I saying here? That assholes like to be treated like assholes? Well… yes and no. First off we are all familiar with the expression “misery loves company”. This is very true. For example if I genuinely explore my motives when I am in a pissy mood I will behave in a confrontational manner – I act like a real jerk. (Anyone who knows me will tell you I normally avoid confrontation at almost all cost). However when I am in a deep blue funk sprinkled with a bit of asshole dust I tend to act like a real shit. Why? Because I want to spread my pissy mood around. It’s not that I necessarily want to be treated like crap, or make the ones I love feel like crap, but rather at that moment I feel like that is how I deserve to be treated. I feel like the world is down on me and all I deserve is to have those around me down on me too. So I make it so. (Which by the way usually makes me feel worse). Warped isn’t it?

worthlessLet’s look at angry people: it seems they treat other people like crap because they are choosing to keep others at arm’s length. But why? I think they feel that they do not deserve to be happy, to be loved, and are afraid that if they do let some-one in it can and will only end in hurt. These people are generally blindsided by some-one who is kind and loving towards them, because in their opinion they do not deserve it. (and so they will often act out even worse to push that person away)

And then there are those people – kids especially – who will take any attention they can get and if they are not currently getting positive attention then they will act out in such a manner as to get negative attention because at least they are getting attention. However these people eventually become conditioned to the negative attention via negative behaviour cycle and  after awhile they begin to feel that they are unworthy of positive attention.

I think it’s called self-fulfilling prophecy. “I am bad, worthless, stupid, hyper, in the way, ___________ (whatever fill in the blank) and do not deserve positive attention.”

So how do we maintain The Golden Rule? One that is so easy and so simple and so logical? How do we reach angry hurting people who believe themselves to be unwanted, unlovable, and undesirable? How do we convince them that they are worthy? That love, respect, happiness, and kindness are available for all people no strings attached, just because.

I have my days where I struggle with this simple truth, so what about those who have been damaged, whether by themselves or by outside sources, how do we help them, heal them and teach them? I think that if we really watched how those people treat themselves we would find that they do not generally treat themselves any better than the way the treat everyone else.

How do we convince the girl who feels that she is just a worthless whore, that she is beautiful and valuable? How do tell the young man that has been taunted and teased and called ‘fag’ his whole life that he has value and something amazing to offer the world? How do we, society, teach people to treat others as they want to be treated and NOT as they feel they deserve to be treated?

I don't remember this thing called love...

I don’t remember this thing called love…

I don’t have any answer except to treat everyone with love, kindness and respect (yourself included), and maybe eventually we can reach the hearts that seem unreachable….





Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

26 thoughts on “The Golden Rule… and the difference between desiring and deserving…

  1. Pingback: Saying Good-Bye to 2013… | myspokenheart

  2. I love your musings. I look forward to reading more! You are very gifted.


  3. Thanks be to you for writing about self love, and the lack of it. Sometimes this self-fulfilling prophecy is a parent (or other authoritative adult) prescribed prophecy, which sometimes takes time to unravel and reject. And you are spot on in your writing — we teach compassion, kindness, and love by being compassionate, kind, and loving, regardless of the rejection. Lessons take time sometimes.


  4. Pingback: Friday Faves, April 19th | Living Simply Free

  5. The paragraph in your post that starts with “How do we convince the girl who feels that she is just a worthless whore…” inspired me to share the following with you.

    At “R” Hub where I do voluntary work, a lot of the people that are recovering from drug and/or alcohol addiction have been told when they were young, that they were stupid, worthless and will never amount to anything.

    Although my position is teaching IT, it is secondary to boosting self-esteem and confidence, which is something that is severely lacking in recovering addicts.
    Last year a young man that was referred to me was convinced that I would have a tough job on my hands teaching him how to use a computer, “because he was no good at these things”. It had been drummed into him as a child that he was “no good at anything”.

    It turned out that he was easy to teach. After one session with the right amount of assurance and encouragement, it was like a light had come on inside him. I think it was the first time in his life he had actually received praise for doing something. The transformation in just one session was a pleasure to witness.

    It is very gratifying to be able to help “no good addicts” adjust to a normal life, because it is something a lot of them have never had. I only play a small part in helping them. The recovery process is long and arduous, especially when they have been abused as a child. That is far more common than society acknowledges.



  6. Great post, I agree! People are often running on autopilot, a victim to their past hurts and issues, which crave the negative feedback gained from being rude or cruel. This doesn’t justify their actions, but it does mean that often we have to sort out our own crap, start loving ourselves and treating ourselves with respect before we can start treating other people with the love and respect they deserve.

    In the mean time though I’ll be hanging out with the people who are already treating others with the kindness and respect that they would like to be treated with themselves haha 🙂

    Thanks for sharing!

    All the best.



  7. Awesome message, your words shine brightly this morning! God bless!


  8. hah… “a deep blue funk sprinkled with a bit of asshole dust”… i love it!!!


  9. I enjoyed your perspective and am inspired to focus on it today in the moments I am alone and the times I am with others. Thank you!


  10. I guess…perhaps the line of, Misery loves company should perhaps be modified to, ‘Misery loves miserable company’? Or at least, that is sometims how I feel some feel. (Bad I know.)

    Now…brushes all the bad stuffs away. Your last sentence….how to treat people…nods.

    By the way… do you know you are super special to me? I am too. Takes that last sentence of yours… ourselves included Andrea….*hugs you*


  11. I read this and wondered what I could contribute. I as you may know am not a religious person. When you write about the ‘angry people’, my theory is not that they are scared of having others reach out to them, but they are genuinely negative about their live and how they act towards others. One of the ladies I work with – who has been described as a vixen, by a company that came in to talk on work place bullying..remains the same. I have tried for 6 weeks now to be pleasant, bubbly, bright with her and everyone in the office, yet she is blunt, abrasive and down right rude. (As are the others – I haven’t been accepted to the fold/cult that this office maintains). Others let her be the excuse is ‘that’s who she is’. Why should others have to tolerate this behaviour though? I’m afraid I am not one to turn the other cheek very easily. There will be individuals who yes could be reaching out for love, for having no self worth or esteem, yet there are others who are content in making other peoples lives a misery, possibly because they enjoy the power of doing so. So much depends on the individuals and whether they are strong enough to rise above hurtful comments as you mention in your last paragraph. The world as we know sadly, will continue as it has done, we all require respect and kindness but sometimes reality means it isn’t so. I have tried with this woman, I will try no more. She very rarely smiles I have not heard her laugh in the 8 weeks…this is just her and no matter what I can do – she will not change. So I will not beat myself up about it, for I know I am a good person and I have tried everything possible. I seemed to have rambled. I apologise, but there will continue to be the button pushes and it’s probably a case of live and let them live how they wish. 🙂 xx


    • My grand mother was one of these people… sort of… see people who were not related to her thought she was the most wonderful woman ever, giving, kind, helpful… but behind closed door she was mean, hurtful, always the centre of attention and ready for the fight… and I was always told “that’s just how she is, you just have to accept it” well I refused to accept it and sad as it is I ended up breaking off all communication… I also ended up married to some-one similar to this… sigh… But you do not have to accept it… you tired the next step is to limit all contact to only that which is necessary to complete your job… continue to be nice simply because you are nice, and not because her attitude or actions deserve it, as they don’t… feel sorry for her, she must be an extremely miserable person if you have not seen her smile in over 8 weeks… that is such a sad testament to a life being endured and not lived… this is where I start wondering what has made her so hard, and mean… how can any one be so miserable all the time? what must it feel like to get up hating yourself and the world every morning?? Is she like this at home, with friends, does she have friends? Does she cry behind closed doors? ya know… just continue to be you cuz that’s all you got Mum, and it’s more than enough xoxox


  12. Little pebbles can make big ripples. If we start with ourselves we have the potential to make a big ripple.


  13. hmmm *sneaks in and gathers up that dust and hides it*

    The paragraph above the last picture, that is the tough one. When self esteem is damaged. Actually we cause a lot of our problems, the way we treat each other. our increasing feeling of entitlement. Taking because we feel a right to it. Even when it damages someone, and we didn’t have a right to it. Bullying, raping, demeaning. We are our own worst nightmare.

    so… how do we change?


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