Boundaries can be painful
It’s kind of a funny thing how life works sometimes. I think that often times things are coming together right under our noses and unless we are paying attention we can miss it. Sometimes it all just falls together like dominoes. Right now I am trying to make some changes in my life; mainly I am working on setting boundaries and learning to effectively enforce them. Anyways funny how as I am working on this a close friend starts having problems with these very things in her life and has turned to me for advice. Even funnier is how as I give her advice, I hear it resonating in my head. It’s like I am being pointed in the right direction via a huge neon sign. If I choose to ignore it I am now a hypocrite. But how is it that she has never had these problems in her life before (or at least has never come to me for advice about them) and as soon as I started working on these issues I am being asked for assistance. Being asked by some-one I am actually comfortable enough to be blunt, and very honest with. And to make it more interesting I know the right answers. So why could I not see clearly for myself? Why did it have to come via helping a friend?
The proverbial line in the sand
DO NOT CROSS!
Now for the hard part, the real part, to be that cut and dry in my own life. To be able to be firm, still loving, but firm and to carry through, no apologies, no pussy footing, no using hints, suggestions or codes, no back-pedaling or making excuses or using ‘it’s me, not you’ crap lines, to just say/do what I know needs to be said/done.
Why is it so hard? Perhaps it is because for some of the stuff I need to deal with a poor foundation was initially laid and in order to fix it I can’t just patch it or coat it over, I have to actually rip that sucker out and start over. And I know it won’t be easy. It won’t be met without some hostility, and resistance. It’s time to be brave, and strong, and to stand firm. Change isn’t easy. Boundaries are not easy. But I know it will be worth it. I know…
myspokenheart 
January 31, 2013 at 7:12 am
Sometimes when we give that kind of advice, it’s easy because it’s not ourselves. It’s after we see the same thing in another person that we realize, oh hey, this is me sometimes too. It’s like looking into a mirror. Looking at yourself in the mirror all the time is difficult, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes enlightening. Very thoughtful post Andrea. Hugss.
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January 31, 2013 at 9:04 am
Thanx November love, and I concur the mirror can be a wondrous place and a terrifying place…
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January 22, 2013 at 3:46 pm
The iron skin that has held you
Has been rusted through
By the tears it drew
Which spoke the truth
Now you can tear the flesh
And be surprised
It comes away clean
To show the beautiful within
((HUGS))
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January 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm
That is just lovely Panda… 🙂 ((HUGZZ))
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January 21, 2013 at 11:06 pm
Possibly just the mere fact that you gave advice to you friend ‘out loud’ made you look at your situation differently? Whereas before you mulled everything over in your head and thought more of the cons rather than the pros? You are strong and you will make the decisions you need to. We all have faith in you Andrea. xxx
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January 23, 2013 at 3:44 pm
Aaaahhh mum, that does seem to be the way it works… 🙂 xox
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January 21, 2013 at 6:13 pm
A question I asked a cousellor “how do you back the bus up” and his response was….”you don’t back the bus up, you move forward” it made me think….sometimes it’s my attitude, sometimes it’s me talking in circles and appologizing for being vocal….but yep babysteps to healthy boundaries is so worth the effort!
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January 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm
yeah the counselor was right, once you start moving forward there really is no backing up… you keep moving forward, or maybe you turn left or right, but there is no backing up… once things are said and done, you can’t retract them… you can only move on from that point forward… 🙂
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January 21, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Ohh….I like that. You don’t back up the bus….nod nods….I like that a lot.
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January 21, 2013 at 5:11 pm
It might be hard at times, and at times you might take a step backwards … but start by taking the step nod nods. I know you are a good person … and can be strong. I know it’s uncomfortable at times…but I have faith in your strength of convictions. Take your life back Andrea. Tis time.
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January 21, 2013 at 5:20 pm
aaawwe… I love you so much Katie 🙂 – one baby step at a time, at least I’m moving forward!!!
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January 21, 2013 at 4:23 pm
One of my favorite quotes is “begin as you mean to go on” . Not that I frequently pull that one off… Good luck though 🙂 A saying I DO usually manage to live up to is “it’s better than it was before”. So just keep in mind that any ground gained is something to cheer.
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January 21, 2013 at 4:27 pm
Thanx Angie, I think I shall incorporate both of those expressions into my vocabulary… 🙂
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January 21, 2013 at 4:08 pm
Good luck!
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January 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm
thanks 🙂
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