I have had a hard time getting into the swing of things since the holidays. I had nearly two full weeks off, and getting back to schedule has been very hard. I am only just recently back to sleeping regularly. As for writing: I haven’t been blogging regularly and I haven’t been journaling regularly either. I feel a bit out of synch. It’s nothing in particular; it’s not sadness, or being too busy. I am, if anything, feeling listless. There is so much, too much going on around me and I can “feel” it in the air. That sounds so corny. But seriously I am feeling like there is major change coming. Everything around me feels restless. And in the midst of it I am having trouble focusing and getting settled.
I have big expectations for me and my family this year. I truly believe that major things are ahead – they may be down the road aways… like in the next few years. But I feel good about it. Change is kind of exciting. Why did I always fear it?
I know that we will be moving soon. My eldest daughter, and her family share the house we are renting – they have a suite downstairs; me and her 2 sisters are upstairs. But it is time to consider parting ways – we are both feeling it. No hard feelings it’s just time.
A part of me wants to just head across Canada and see where I end up. But I will have to wait on that as my 15 year old is just finishing her grade 10 year and is feeling stable here and I promised her that I would do whatever I can to ensure that she would do grades 11 & 12 at the same school (with the exception of situations beyond my control – of course). So it looks like I will be staying here in this town until at least July 2015.
OK so what I am trying to say? Good question. I’m saying I feel change in the air and in the midst of it I am feeling very out of synch with it. And so I am pushing forward while trying to not lose sight of my ‘bucket list’. I need to aim towards the goals and dreams I set down. Sometimes in the face of day-to-day it is easy to set our dreams aside. To forget them, label them as unrealistic or immature, and let them fade into the distance until they are no more. But then life becomes extremely dull, and tedious, even painful to endure. I must keep my eyes on my dreams, yet I must also allow for those dreams to change and evolve, as I make progress and grow.
I need to be loose enough to go with life’s flow, yet focused enough to keep my eyes on what I want. I need to keep pushing forward, not tossed about to and fro, but stable, without being rigid. Life is always changing, it’s so easy to get left behind, and not even know it until it’s too late.
Yea, change is coming and it’s a good thing….
KT Tunstall – Hold On (with lyrics)