I recently started seeing a counsellor. It has been interesting. She has helped to see some of the areas where I am lacking strength. Primarily setting boundaries, I mean I understand that boundaries are needed, I understand their purpose, but for me the problem is defining them and actually reinforcing them. These are areas that I suck at, and therefore I get manipulated and walked over. Really it all boils down to ‘Self Care’. Anyways at my last session she asked me if I was familiar with the ‘Serenity Prayer’, to which I responded “of course I am”. She then suggested that I google it and print out a copy (or 2 or 3) and put it where I can see and to meditate on it every day. This is to help me set realistic boundaries and to make the battles I pick worth fighting. The idea here is that I can then start to find the time and energy to begin a self care regime.
Funny thing it turns out I am not as familiar with the Serenity Prayer as I thought. There is a whole other part that I had never heard before. And it is actually quite beautiful:
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.–Reinhold Niebuhr
I like how the prayer reminds me to live one day at a time, one moment at a time. I need to take each day as it comes. I need to appreciate the trials I face because they are there to enable me to work out peace in my life. The prayer tells me I need to find rest, to surrender to God, especially in the face adversity. Life is short so I should live my life happy; it’s a waste for me to be anything else.
(Is that okay?)
I think the timing for this – in the midst of the hectic and stressful Christmas season -couldn’t be better. I need to remember to take a moment each day to just breathe and cleanse and be me.
myspokenheart 
January 7, 2013 at 4:13 pm
I SAY THE SERENITY PRAYER AT LEAST 10 TIMES A DAY 😉 AND HEAR IT BEING RECITED IN UNISON AT LEAST 7 TIMES IN A WEEK 😉 SOMETIMES WE NEED TO SEEK OUTSIDE HELP, I HAVE IN THE PAST AND I AM THINKING OF SEEING A THERAPIST AGAIN BECAUSE “SELF CARE” IS IMPORTANT AND I THINK IT IS WELL OVER DUE FOR ME.
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January 7, 2013 at 4:21 pm
self care is soooo important and yet we always seem to overlook it and/or are taught its vain or bad… but you know it isn’t – its what makes us whole so we can be there for others and help them to see so they can be whole too…. 🙂
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December 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm
I know this one well. I imagine that it is my duty in life to make all the people I love happy, all of the time. I just end up running around in circle like a demented and exhausted sheepdog! Boundaries mean telling the world that you are important too. Lets make 2013 a year for remembering that. Peace and warm thoughts…face 🙂
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December 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm
so true Face… so true… I constantly put others above me, sometimes out of love, sometimes because I am too tired to deal with confrontation, sometimes because it is just easier… but in the end it leaves very little for me… which leaves me exhausted… so yes, lets make 2013 a year to remember… I will do my best to support you in this and ask that you check up on me every once in awhile… MSHeart ~ Andrea 🙂 *gentle hugs*
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December 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm
Yes, lets keep an eye on each other…hugs back at you lovely 😀
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December 26, 2012 at 3:14 pm
*gives you another hug*
Self care … tis important yes. And I know how hard it can be to break out of not saying no mode. But we work towards becoming just a bit better at it every day yes? Baby steps as Amber would say *smiles* …. and sometimes we falter … but we try again. Some things we can change … others not so much … and we will continue to confuse them and get all our thoughts jumbled up, and forget to take care of ourselves. That is when I will remind you *smile* … and tell you that you are grand … and that it is okay to say no to others …and yes to yourself.
Because you are my friend and I want you to be okay *hugs*
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December 25, 2012 at 3:50 pm
I’ve struggled with that same thing. I still do even in my 60s. It’s a life skill I think you have to practice. Part of it never goes away because it is part of who we are. We are a work in progress. I had never heard the second stanza of the poem either. Thanks for sharing. Marsha 🙂 🙂
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December 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Andrea, I am doing a “Katie” and clicking on like multiple times. 🙂 (actually didn’t as it may send you tons of emails. lol, but I know she will, when she catches up, do the same.. saying she is clicking on like a lot.)
*Hugs so tight*
when you try to please everyone, there isn’t much to go around, and you end up not pleasing many. least of all yourself. We don’t come with switches though, off for this and on for that, omg that would be so handy to be able to turn emotion off and on..
You need to chant mine mine mine, and me me me.. a bit. You need some “me” time as much as everyone else needs some Andrea time.
🙂
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December 20, 2012 at 9:12 am
thanks Amber… you made me laugh with the whole “Katie” thing… sheesh I miss her being around…
I just need to learn to be more confident/assertive – I am very non-confrontational, until I have had enough and then I’m kinda crazy… I need to find my balance and that ain’t gonna happen without these lovely boundaries… and I really appreciate the Serenity Prayer right now as It is causing me to look at what can I change/affect and what can’t I? No point in setting boundaries for things that I have zero control over….
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December 20, 2012 at 9:20 am
it is hard to do, setting those boundaries. your spoken heart is a giving one, a caring one. To say today I am caring for me… lasts only until someone comes along with a wish…
you know, I bet Katie forgot to remove comments from her email settings… we could keep her busy with lots of posts… lol. She will take days to catch up. *tries to do an evil laff*
i miss her too.
she better be having a grand time, or someone is going to beat her up. 😉
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December 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Ohh … after I posted my comments I read the other comments here and saw this one. Ohhhh ohhhhh you two! lol. (I hit the like button only once! I have learnt that WordPress makes the like go off and on and off and on when you hit it multiple times. I REALLY need to talk to them about multiple LIKE thingsy!)
Anyway … who was going to beat me up?!?!? omg!
And … I missed the both of you as well…lots and lots and lots.
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December 18, 2012 at 3:49 pm
I actually can associate with what you are saying – I was more like this though when I was younger (now in my 50’s) I have learnt to step back – take my time and do things at my pace. I think I also harboured a Martyr complex. I’m all right – I can do it – let me do it – (why do they ask so much of me, I’m tired, I don’t want to do this) which lead to being bitter and resentful. I only learnt this after years – occasionally I slip back into it, but now I can control how I FEEL about doing things for others and try to not let it get the better of me. I wish you well sweet. xx
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December 18, 2012 at 3:25 pm
Hello – I did not know the 2nd verse either – thanks for posting.
You seem so unjustly unfair on yourself? I know not of your past or what troubles you so.
We all set ourselves boundaries – for our purpose or for others we do not know. One of my daughters lives for today and though lists are written and re-written to try and get her focused on what happens the following day – she cannot grasp the concept. Standing up for oneself without feeling the need to please others does take strength – it is difficult for me to fully understand as I don’t know your situation. If you wish to talk privately on anything – I’m ok for that – a total stranger can sometimes help.
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
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December 18, 2012 at 3:37 pm
Thanks Hun, my problem is I set great boundaries for myself and leave the door wide open for everyone around me… and what happens is I end up burnt out from doing everything, and emotionally exhausted from pleasing everybody as well as ending up bitter and resentful. I am an acts of service person… but there is point where I have to say enough is enough and the best way is set boundaries that are clear BEFORE there is a problem – its a learning curve is all… gonna take some time…
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