I was going to leave the tragedy of recent days alone. I was going to carry on as if it never happened, partly because I do not want to draw any more attention to the situation than has already been done, and partly because as horrific and unfathomable as it is it does not affect me or my little world (that is not entirely true as it can bring me to tears and make me a useless mess at any moment if I allow it). Another reason is I feel that all the families affected deserve their time to mourn in peace; I can only imagine how hard it would be to grieve under the watchful eye of a ‘well meaning’ society (The thought makes me shudder).
But there is a flip side to this coin that all seem to have lost sight of. Now perhaps I see things the way I do because there is something desperately wrong with me. Or perhaps it is a gift (an unwanted gift). Who knows? But the young man who did what he did (he will remain nameless here) – in spite of how we want to see him, or of how we may need to see him, or how we feel, in spite of all logic – was a real living, breathing, feeling human being. He was a young man barely started in life. He is reported to have had mental illness – that was obviously not being treated as it should have been. He had a family with people in it who loved him – who still love him. Who are now grieving and trying to sort it out in their heads and hearts.
No one wants to relate to him as a real person – I understand it’s much easy to make him out as a monster. But he was a person. He had parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins – just like you and me and the kid next door, and somewhere in that mix of people were individuals who loved him. Individuals, who are shocked, appalled, overwhelmed and heart broken. No-one raises a child thinking they could turn out to be a mass murderer, a wife abuser, a drug addict, a molester, a rapist, a thief, etc. But it happens ALL the time. How? Why? I have no idea.
To all who are still reading… Please know that my intentions are in no way to undermine or minimalize the pain and grief of the victims. Their pain and grief is beyond comprehension and cannot, should not ever be thought of as less than that. Their pain is mind numbing, heart wrenching and all consuming I know this to be true even though I am not in their shoes. But the harsh reality is his surviving family members are victims too. Victims who will experience moments of hate and confusion. Moments where they will blame themselves. They are victims who will wonder where they went wrong and how could they not have seen. But how could they have, no-one could have seen this. And they must understand they cannot blame themselves for what he did – and neither must we. Every one of us is responsible for our own actions and cannot control the actions of others. Pointing fingers and getting angry just spreads more hate, confusion and mistrust. This is a time for love and compassion, and in time, eventually hope, healing and forgiveness will follow.
I know people will not see what I see, some will get very angry reading this, some may stop following me. That’s ok. Just don’t respond with hate. Take time to think. Take time to ponder what can we do to help prevent this from happening again? Can we make this better for all involved? And if so how?
From myspoken-anddeeplysorrowed-heart to yours… xoxoxox