Tomorrow I get the pleasure of going to the dentist, or should I say “Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist”. I get to experience the joy of receiving a couple of fillings. I also will be delivered the news of whether or not I get to endure a root canal. Needless to say I am filled with apprehension. I had not been to the dentist in many years due to a lack of dental insurance, and now that I have said insurance I am getting things taken care of – things that I was actually quite happy to ignore. Ignorance is bliss you know.
Sadly I have to put on my brave face as my youngest is also going in for a filling – her first filling. I can’t very well expect her to be brave and courageous in the face of unknown, never before experienced pain, if I myself am a cowering mess. (But who is gonna hold my hand and say “there, there”? – Sometimes being a mom is rough)
The worst thing about tomorrow is that the dentist isn’t even the part I’m freaking out over! Once I am done with the dentist I do not get to go home to relax, instead I get to head out for a meeting with a Trustee. There we get look at my horrible state of financial deficiency. The way I see it, it will be the financial equivalent to a full physical. I can hardly wait. Just like at an actual physical I will get to strip bare and in all my humility be scrutinized, by a complete stranger. It doesn’t get much more humiliating and intimate than that I’m afraid. And I am pretty sure when it’s all done the trustee is going to want to set up a follow up appointment and request payment, in actual money, which I have none of, hence the reason for the visit to them in the first place. At least the dentist gives you a nice new toothbrush and a package of floss.
These are the joys of being a grown up. Being brave in the face of uncertainty, and manning-up when we make a mess of things because there is no-one else to clean it up. I have discovered that pretending a problem isn’t there does not make it go away! (I have been dragging my feet for over a year trying to bury my head in the sand on this one.)
Also in typical ‘Me’ fashion I have left everything to the very last minute. I know better, yet I do it every single time. It really is a useless, silly routine. But it seems to be the way I function. I know it would be easier to pre-organize, probably less stressful too, yet I leave it, I keep putting it off until the last possible moment. But I suppose everything in its time, right?
I am definitely feeling the stress of tomorrow. Just breathe… (in… out… in… and out) that’s what I would say to my friends. I would say, “You can’t change it. So why fret over it, just let it go. Do what needs to be done and know that it will all be better in the long run. Everything has a way of working out, it always has, and it always will.” I really do believe that, so why oh why, do I let myself get so worked up over things? It’s not like I enjoy working myself into a frenzy, and then I have to talk myself down. Another one of my silly routines, I’m afraid.
Ok so enough about all of that… I will go home after work, get my paperwork together, have some dinner, and maybe a cup of tea. Get me and my girls to bed for a goodnite’s sleep. Then I will face the day with a sickening degree of sunshiny optimism, knowing that it really will all work out.