musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

The Rejection Equation…


Rejection, it hurts. But why?

What really is rejection anyways?

re·ject   (r-jkt)
tr.v. re·ject·ed, re·ject·ing, re·jects
1. To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.
2. To refuse to consider or grant; deny.
3. To refuse to recognize or give affection to (a person).
4. To discard as defective or useless; throw away.

(By now many of you may have figured out that I can tend to be a word geek– I actually like looking up words and their meanings, but I digress)

We have all encountered people that we do not overly like; people who for no particular reason just don’t appeal to us or rub us the wrong way. We all have been part of people’s lives and at some point have moved on. We do not become friends with every single person that we meet (Facebook friends do not count). Sometimes we out grow relationships; or pull out of them because we realize that as much as we may love the individual the relationship is unhealthy. These are normal things, that happen every day, so why is acceptance from others so important?

Why does the idea of being rejected by our peers, or anyone for that matter, cause sweaty palms, feelings of anxiety, even nausea? Why does the act of being rejected by some-one who has been part of our life cause anger, fear, or even tears? Could they just be moving on as we ourselves have done over and over in our own lives?

It seems to me that when we boil down so many of today’s fears, we end up with the fear of rejection remaining. The fears of failure, public speaking, commitment, being alone, making mistakes, etc. all basically come down to rejection. The only rejection that truly matters is when we give up on ourselves and reject who we really are.

All of us, every single one, throughout our lifetimes, will fail, will speak publicly (whether it’s a sentence in a group setting or a speech at a conference isn’t really the point), will come across the uncommitted and will be the uncommitted, we will spend many hours alone, and we will encounter many, many mistakes, ours and those of others, so what are we so afraid of? Rejection is a fact of life, a part of growth and is perfectly normal. Yet it fills most of us with dread.

I know I don’t want to be rejected. But I know I will be, and have been. I think learning that some experiences in life are there to help us grow is vital. I also think that we need to realize sometimes these things just happen and there is no deep reason, no magical lesson, that it’s just part of life and its constant evolving.

Sometimes people close themselves off and deny themselves the beauty of their emotions for fear of being rejected. We refuse to allow ourselves to really live when we do this. Our emotions are there for a reason, and it can be delicious when we allow ourselves to really revel in them. (Even the so called negative emotions can be glorious – a good cry can leave you feeling renewed, and complete blow out can release built up tension) But with that comes consequences, one being so-called rejection.

Perhaps the real problem is our focus, that we take rejection personally; when often it is merely circumstantial. There is absolutely nothing personal about it in many situations. Maybe it isn’t even rejection at all. Just because people don’t applaud our every word or welcome us with open arms doesn’t necessarily mean we are being rejected.

Anyways those are my thoughts today… feel free to share yours 🙂


Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

4 thoughts on “The Rejection Equation…

  1. opens my arms and waits, because I am not going to reject you.

    rejection is a choice, perhaps you offer someone a choice an they choose one, Maybe (wow a capital letter.. lol) they choose the one that does not involve you.

    the depth of the rejection can cause pain. is it a more personal matter? or pick peas or corn, I made the peas.. they choose the corn. personal or they just like the corn better.

    but. upon reflection, relating to a previous post of yours, failing and learning from it. nods, isn’t rejection like that perhaps? you offered a choice, it was not picked, so you learn from that. next time the choice will be so awesome they will have to choose it.

    if it was just so easy, to just pick up and learn from rejection, instead of taking it so personally.


    • well I must say if we are so sensitive that the choice of peas or corn would cause a wound of rejection then there is a problem… but yes sometimes people take things so personally, things that were never intended as a personal choice or situation.

      but sometimes rejection is really real… sometimes people are mean… and when this is the case it can really hurt… but when someone accepts us, especially if we have failed or made a mistake it sure feels good 🙂 …

      And thanks for the wide open arms… that is lovely and makes me smile…


  2. 1) I love that you are a geek…does not matter if it is a word geek. You are just kinda awesome.

    2) Your writing can be so introspective at times. You once told me you sit and write…likely with a thought in your head. Then you go where it takes you I think. That you can write like this without much planning is quite impressive to me. There are several on here that can do that … I like reading them because I think it helps me become a better writer too (I hope) … and also, because it makes me think too. And sometimes it makes me question my own thought process and ideals and such.

    3) On rejection – I do not think I could have put it any better … I know these is so much to add to this discussion … but at the moment…I am just nodding my head. (I think I will watch for other comments and see what others might say … and likely crash their party with thoughts *smiles*)


    • why thank-you Katie I will enjoy my geekdom (I am making up my own words now – haha!) oops, my awesome geekdom 😉

      and yes I just sit and write… planning does not seem to work well for me, I pretty much just fly by the seat of my pants I’m afraid! I want to be able to plan – deep down inside there is this super organized, planning neat freak trying to surface… but I am afraid that the chaotic, messy, just go with it girl keeps beating her into submission… mwahahaha!!!

      I could have probably written a 20 page essay on this one, but I decided that anyone reading it would probably fall asleep in a pool of drool if i carried on too far and went too in depth… or perhaps they would get confused and scared by the bizarre ramblings of my somewhat deranged mind…


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