myspokenheart

musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

From Chaos to Wonderment…

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(Is wonderment a real word? probably not…)

Here I sit staring at the blank screen and I feel like it is taunting me… the last few days I have had so many transient thoughts racing through my brain and yet when I try to sort through them and come up with something cohesive to write about all of it swirls down the drain and disappears into the abyss just out of reach… I can feel it, I know its there, but I can’t quite grasp it; I can’t quite wrap my fingers around it and pull it loose.

Sometimes it feels like my brain will never shutdown; so many thoughts, colours, images, emotions all whirring around in there, so much noise. It’s like I am experiencing a mental overload that keeps tripping the breaker in my head. Too many scattered thoughts. Funny thing is I can follow them, but I know if anyone else tried it would be like untangling a huge pile of sticky string… an ardent and torturous task in deed.

I am finding my current solace in the melodies and lyrics of music. It seems to slow the thoughts down. Enough so that a part of me was tempted to just post a song and its lyrics… but that felt like a cheat. And I am not one to generally take the easy out unless I am at my absolute wits end.

I am relieved to say that I am pulling out of my deep blue funk and can see the silver lining that surrounds the passing storm clouds. The thunder is now far off in the distance, and the rain is gone. It has left in its stead a trail of fresh green buds, new life, new hope, and new opportunities. I will take my time to enjoy this; to inhale the scent of freshly fallen rain upon the earth, to look at the new green and carefully choose my path. I want to walk filled with wonder, to find joy in the simple things. I remember walking with my eldest when she was roughly two and every little thing was so amazing to her. A half hour walk took as much as 2 hours because she had to stop and pick up rocks, watch the ants busily running to and fro, inspect each leaf, stomp in every puddle, pick me flower and weed bouquets, etc. She was completely absorbed with the wonders of life, with all the small miracles. I want that. I want to be filled with wonder at the beauty of life, even during the hard stuff (especially during the hard stuff)…

Oh… here’s the song I was thinking of posting… but you’ll have to look the lyrics up yourself  😉

Snow Patrol – Run

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Author: myspokenheart

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

14 thoughts on “From Chaos to Wonderment…

  1. P.S~ I accidentally used the phrase “as of late” one too many times! That bothers me so… 🙂

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  2. I enjoy your writing style. You speak from the very depths of you soul, I write that way too. I’ve been writing short fiction stories as of late, I think it is because things are so terribly depressing as of late, that I have to make things up in order to regain the sense of wonder you spoke about…nice job!

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  3. I love the way you write. The portraits you paint with well articulated carefully chosen words, It is really beautiful.

    I have written many a rambling blog, blogs that in all likelihood could only be followed by someone that knows me well. It didn’t stop me though, putting the words on the screen, disjointed perhaps but so clear to me.

    I would love to follow your ball of sticky string, a blog where you just cut loose and let your raw emotion flow. I think that is what you want to try. Sometimes those blogs start discombobulated and suddenly begin to twist into cohesiveness and are very powerful.

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    • thank-you Amber… I really appreciate your encouragement and support 🙂

      I am sure eventually you get to read some real ramblers… it will happen…

      oh and you used one of my all time favourite words… discombobulated!!! that is awesome

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      • Amber is like one of the BEST at being thoughtful and encouraging … and positive … and giving you ideas on how to get out of blue funks and stuffs nod nods.

        And…..sticky ball of string posts sounds soooooo interesting. Oh…should we bring Amber into our secret web of soon to be combined blogging attempt…ohhhh….this could get sooooooo out of hand in a fun way lol.

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        • I think we could definitely bring Amber in on our “oh so secret” (not ) web of combined bloggings… maybe she will have some ideas on how to put it all together…

          and I am not sure that sooooooo out of hand quite captures where this could potentially go… *BIG SMILES* and *winks*

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    • Heh .. I love your rambly blogs Amber…and they are not really all that rambly. I mean yes they are, in an organized fashion.

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  4. Awesome to hear the sun is shinning again, and the smell of fresh rain swirls around your nostrils …
    joy and happiness are here for your taking my sweetness!

    Love you!

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  5. Playing the video as I write this … it sounds like a song of hope. (It is on the part with him lighting a flare)

    *Hugs you* …. there is wonder in life. Tell yourself you are YUM. Because you are. And realize, there is wonder in things around you. Even in your blue funk … because you can recognize it … and come out of it. And be here …to write … and be our friend. And there is wonder in the fact that I too was thinking of posting just a video … but have not. (Ok…that is not wonderment so much as coinky dink) (and oh…wonderment MUST be a word because it does not have the red squiggly line beneath it!)

    I am being kinda of rambly in my response … but I don’t care … maybe such ramblyness will make you smile and go … lord, at least when I write it’s coherent! *smiles* … and there is wonderment in smiles.

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