(Is wonderment a real word? probably not…)
Here I sit staring at the blank screen and I feel like it is taunting me… the last few days I have had so many transient thoughts racing through my brain and yet when I try to sort through them and come up with something cohesive to write about all of it swirls down the drain and disappears into the abyss just out of reach… I can feel it, I know its there, but I can’t quite grasp it; I can’t quite wrap my fingers around it and pull it loose.
Sometimes it feels like my brain will never shutdown; so many thoughts, colours, images, emotions all whirring around in there, so much noise. It’s like I am experiencing a mental overload that keeps tripping the breaker in my head. Too many scattered thoughts. Funny thing is I can follow them, but I know if anyone else tried it would be like untangling a huge pile of sticky string… an ardent and torturous task in deed.
I am finding my current solace in the melodies and lyrics of music. It seems to slow the thoughts down. Enough so that a part of me was tempted to just post a song and its lyrics… but that felt like a cheat. And I am not one to generally take the easy out unless I am at my absolute wits end.
I am relieved to say that I am pulling out of my deep blue funk and can see the silver lining that surrounds the passing storm clouds. The thunder is now far off in the distance, and the rain is gone. It has left in its stead a trail of fresh green buds, new life, new hope, and new opportunities. I will take my time to enjoy this; to inhale the scent of freshly fallen rain upon the earth, to look at the new green and carefully choose my path. I want to walk filled with wonder, to find joy in the simple things. I remember walking with my eldest when she was roughly two and every little thing was so amazing to her. A half hour walk took as much as 2 hours because she had to stop and pick up rocks, watch the ants busily running to and fro, inspect each leaf, stomp in every puddle, pick me flower and weed bouquets, etc. She was completely absorbed with the wonders of life, with all the small miracles. I want that. I want to be filled with wonder at the beauty of life, even during the hard stuff (especially during the hard stuff)…
Oh… here’s the song I was thinking of posting… but you’ll have to look the lyrics up yourself 😉
Snow Patrol – Run