musings on life, love and laughter from my spoken heart to yours

Soulmates: reality or unrealistic fairytale?


As of late I have been thinking about romance – well the complete lack there of in my life actually… anyways, it got me into thinking about soulmates. And I had to ask myself – Do I believe that each person has a soulmate? Has only one perfect match? the answer is: Yes and No. (In a world with over 7 billion people in it I think there may be many potential soulmates out there)

So the first thing we must do is define soulmate:

According to Webster’s Dictionary a Soul mate is:

A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament

or as put by Wikipedia:

A soulmate (or soul mate) is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.

Many of us consider finding our soulmate as being a mystical love at first sight experience. It is what we are taught via movies, books and fairytales. And perhaps for some that is how it works. I have however read and heard many beautiful stories of friends slowly learning to love one another until they feel inseparable, until the idea of life without the other is a life not worth living. I have also heard about relationships that started without any major amount of attraction, but as they got to know eachother, revealed their inner most thoughts and feelings to one another the attraction developed and grew  (I have also read this in regard to arranged marriages).

Personally, being the hopeless romantic that I am, that is so in love with the idea of love, I tend to embrace the fairytale version of the soulmate. I struggle with whether or not I actually believe this ideal or if I just really, really want it to be true. So far however, I have not had the luck, or experience to back this optimism up. The thing that movies and fairytales do not tell us is what happens after the honeymoon, we are told “they lived happily ever after” – and herein is where the problem lies because most relationships tend to be painted with the optimism that this one “is the one” and then reality hits.

There truly is something to be said for a mature relationship with some-one who picks up after themselves and contributes more to the relationship than ‘getting’ you, instantaneous attraction and phenomenal sex. Something a stretch more practical than the all elusive ‘love at first sight, world stopping, heart pumping, nothing else matters soulmate’.  I have to say I am learning that we must start by ‘getting’ and liking ourselves (better yet loving ourselves) or we will forever be searching for some-one to make us complete. This is where I must state that my experience tells me two halves do not make a whole – they make two halves that are desperately trying to fit together and become whole, while co-existing with one another and blaming each other for their perpetual state of unhappiness and incompleteness.

Of course I long for ‘fireworks’, for the ‘perfect match’, for the ‘soulmate’ – for MY soulmate… but a good friend who is there, who will listen even when they don’t ‘get’ me, who wants to take care of me in the moments when I can’t take of myself, and isn’t too proud to let me do the same for them – well there’s something kinda nice about that thought…  I may not be able to change the fact that I am wired the way I am, and that I truly desire for the fairytale to be real…  but I think there is something to be said for reality. Being a dreamer sucks if all it ever is, is a dream. I want to touch it, feel it and make it real.

A good friend told me her theory on love: Immature love wants you because it needs you. Mature love needs you because it wants you. That is what I am looking for.  I just want to be wanted, for who I am and nothing more.

From my spoken heart to yours, xox

Author: My Spoken Heart - Andrea Crowell

Blogger, life lover, silly-hearted daydreamer...

13 thoughts on “Soulmates: reality or unrealistic fairytale?

  1. Reblogged this on To Be Honest… and commented:
    To be honest…this is a fantastic post on soulmates 😘


  2. As a bona fide “dreamer” myself, I know what it feels like to be stuck in a box of make believe. We search for love in all the wrong places. I too consider myself a hopeless romantic. Yet I feel bad for those with no imagination. Great post!


  3. I don’t think a soulmate is one that is instant or waiting to be discovered necessarily, or that there may only be one.

    Or one that starts off as the perfect match,
    Rather one that adapts, listens… loves.

    And this is two ways, bending and showing interest, sincerity.. honesty always, openness.

    sharing everything, friendship, knowing glances, thoughts… love.

    I think many people can be this. It is something that should grow every day, become stronger.

    then you will be soulmates.


    • Interesting I like your take on this… it is what I was refering to in the paragraph about learning to love and becoming inseperable… I think love can happen in many ways, and is different for every person and in every relationship ❤


  4. Oh. Nods…we do change … likes that part of the reasoning too nod nods.


  5. *S*…this is something I have thought on many a time…and have written on.

    My personal belief is that…soul mates exist. But I also believe, one is not limited to just one. That you have many potential soul mates.


    • Thanks so much for popping by my page…

      I agree about us not being limited to only one soulmate; I can’t fathom how in this vast sea of people we can be limited to only one… but perhaps their are some that are better for us than others?

      It’s hard to wrap my brain (and heart) around sometimes and I end up going in circles 🙂


      • Nods…sometimes when I think too hard on certain things….HEADACHE! lol.

        But with regards to soulmates .. ifin you don’t mind me hijacking your blog comment area a bit…here are some of my thoughts…

        On a practical/science/mystical/ perspective:
        I too find it hard to imagine…of the billions of people on the planet…that you can have just one. I mean also…if you took “time” into consideration…what if your soul mate was born hundreds of years before? How do the cosmo’s take this into account. As for the distance thing…what if your soul mate were all the way in Australia, whilst you were in Iceland? Somehow, either the cosmo’s have taken into account that technology now allows these people to meet … or they were fated not to meet. Or…there are many potential soul mates. Nod nods.

        On a selfish perspective:
        I have to believe this. There has been someone I have loved. This person I know….has been my soul mate. But … I am no longer with that person. I HAVE to believe … that there is someone else out there for me.

        On a hopeful perspective:
        This one seems to me most logical…and has really been what makes me think you can have more than 1 soul mate. Now…someone might respond regarding my “personal” wish to have another soul mate…that the first person really was not my soul mate or they would not have left.

        But…what about the instance of death? I started thinking about this because my dad had died…and I had always thought that at some point my mum might find someone else to grow old with. (She passed away too…so did not happen.) However, this could apply to anyone.

        Say two people meet. They are clearly soul mates (like my parent *smiles*). Now say one of them dies. An accident. A medical issue. What ever…one partner dies. What if they were younger? Say in their 30’s….40’s? Maybe the age does not matter. At any rate …in my head, the person who passed away, if they truly loved their mate, wouldn’t they want the surviving partner to one day find happiness again?

        Say then, that the survivor over time, heals. And is in a place to live again. And they meet someone. Fall in love. And is happy. Just as happy as when they were with their first partner. Can this not happen? Would it not be grand if it could happen?

        I’m not saying that partner #2 would replace the first person. No. Never that. Just…different. I think you can learn to love just as much again. Not replacement love. Just … different. A new soul mate. Can that not be?

        I think it must be possible.

        (Thank you for letting me ramble…as I said, I have thought of this question often…and that is the conclusion I have come to.)


        • Irishkatie,

          Your rambling has been heard, I totally understand. I still stand on the fact that there must be more than one soulmate for each person out there and I agree that we can love many times and each time is not necessarily better, but rather different. That is why some loves are so exciting and upredictable and others can be so comfortable and have that worn in feeling even if we have only just met the person.

          Perhaps part of this is also because we do not just stand still in life but rather we change and grow and adapt; and so different people fit our lives at different stages. IDK?? that makes sense to me anyways…

          Nice of you to ‘visit’, and I look forward to ‘seeing’ you again 🙂


  6. … again thanx for the support Hun… you really are my biggest fan, and my bestest friend ❤


  7. Great blog sweetie!! Wow…eye opening and inspirational ❤


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