As of late I have been thinking about romance – well the complete lack there of in my life actually… anyways, it got me into thinking about soulmates. And I had to ask myself – Do I believe that each person has a soulmate? Has only one perfect match? the answer is: Yes and No. (In a world with over 7 billion people in it I think there may be many potential soulmates out there)
So the first thing we must do is define soulmate:
According to Webster’s Dictionary a Soul mate is:
A person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament
or as put by Wikipedia:
A soulmate (or soul mate) is believed by some to be the person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, similarity, love, sex, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, or compatibility.
Many of us consider finding our soulmate as being a mystical love at first sight experience. It is what we are taught via movies, books and fairytales. And perhaps for some that is how it works. I have however read and heard many beautiful stories of friends slowly learning to love one another until they feel inseparable, until the idea of life without the other is a life not worth living. I have also heard about relationships that started without any major amount of attraction, but as they got to know eachother, revealed their inner most thoughts and feelings to one another the attraction developed and grew (I have also read this in regard to arranged marriages).
Personally, being the hopeless romantic that I am, that is so in love with the idea of love, I tend to embrace the fairytale version of the soulmate. I struggle with whether or not I actually believe this ideal or if I just really, really want it to be true. So far however, I have not had the luck, or experience to back this optimism up. The thing that movies and fairytales do not tell us is what happens after the honeymoon, we are told “they lived happily ever after” – and herein is where the problem lies because most relationships tend to be painted with the optimism that this one “is the one” and then reality hits.
There truly is something to be said for a mature relationship with some-one who picks up after themselves and contributes more to the relationship than ‘getting’ you, instantaneous attraction and phenomenal sex. Something a stretch more practical than the all elusive ‘love at first sight, world stopping, heart pumping, nothing else matters soulmate’. I have to say I am learning that we must start by ‘getting’ and liking ourselves (better yet loving ourselves) or we will forever be searching for some-one to make us complete. This is where I must state that my experience tells me two halves do not make a whole – they make two halves that are desperately trying to fit together and become whole, while co-existing with one another and blaming each other for their perpetual state of unhappiness and incompleteness.
Of course I long for ‘fireworks’, for the ‘perfect match’, for the ‘soulmate’ – for MY soulmate… but a good friend who is there, who will listen even when they don’t ‘get’ me, who wants to take care of me in the moments when I can’t take of myself, and isn’t too proud to let me do the same for them – well there’s something kinda nice about that thought… I may not be able to change the fact that I am wired the way I am, and that I truly desire for the fairytale to be real… but I think there is something to be said for reality. Being a dreamer sucks if all it ever is, is a dream. I want to touch it, feel it and make it real.
A good friend told me her theory on love: Immature love wants you because it needs you. Mature love needs you because it wants you. That is what I am looking for. I just want to be wanted, for who I am and nothing more.
From my spoken heart to yours, xox